10 commandments for Apple fanbois

10 commandments followed by all Apple Fanbois everywhere in the world

1. Thou shall publicly denounce Flash whenever possible.
2. Thou shall proclaim 3.5" to be the perfect screen size.
3. Thou shall not compare features with an Android device.
4. Thou shall proclaim all features unnecessary if they are not on your iCrap.
5. Thou shall spout foaming hate at all Android users.
6. Thou shall not miss any chance to point to the world "It's a sexy device!" about  your iCrap.
7. Thou shall think of "replaceable battery" as the work of the devil.
8. Thou shall not use logic to evaluate thy iCrap device.
9. Thou shall consider it a privilege to pay shitload of money to buy obsolete technology.
10. Thou shall always reply to an Android users' boasts with "I don't need that feature!"

Stop SOPA - Freedom of speech is more important than corporate greed.

Adding my support to Wikipedia, Reddit and other sites protesting SOPA today on 18th January 2012 I have decided to add this banner to my blog as my own protest.

More information here: http://viewpointsofasagittarian.blogspot.com/2012/01/anti-sopapipa-blackout.html

Wikipedia going dark on Wednesday!

Yes, this is not a joke. In protest of the Internet censorship bill SOPA, Wikipedia community had decided to make the website offline for 24-hours. Anyone who uses the internet knows how popular and how valuable Wikipedia is when you want answers to casual questions or research queries.

If it is going to affect your work, you can take steps so you don't lose access to the massive knowledge-base. Just Google "Offline wiki" and you will find several solutions to download the entire content of the Wikipedia to your personal device. These solutions are available on various platforms from Android to Windows. I think it's a good idea to have an offline Wikipedia anyway for those moments when you are not hooked up to the internet.

More information on the link below:
http://www.theatlanticwire.com/technology/2012/01/wikipedia-go-dark-wednesday/47467/

Sign Into Your Google Account on Public Computers Without Typing Anything

This is why I love Google. Absolutely ingenious and so useful. I have just tested it, from my own computer of course, but it works like a charm. Amazing!

http://lifehacker.com/5876559/sign-into-your-google-account-on-public-computers-without-typing-anything?popular=true

Bullshit Omniscience Principle

This is a principle that I have come up with. In says that like God, "Bullshit is everywhere." Let me elaborate.

You must be familiar with the old quote, “It’s love that makes the world go round.” Some jaded people hold the view that “It’s money, not love, that makes the world go round.” Actually both are wrong.

 

My principle, Bullshit Omniscience Principle, says that "It’s not Love and it’s not Money, it’s the Bullshit that makes the world go round. If it weren’t for the bullshit that we constantly hand each other the civilization as we know it would cease to exist."

I know, I know, you are not convinced yet. I will prove it with examples from real life. But before that, let's define what constitutes bullshit. I'd say that anything which you say but don't mean, all the half-truths, all the white lies, all the things you say just to please someone...etc. etc. that's all bullshit. 

So when you go visit a friend couple and see their child for the first time, the first words out of your mouth are, "Oh, he's sooo cute! Cho chweet!", even when you are thinking, "God, they can use HIS photo to scare Gabbar Singh!". Bullshit! 

When you meet a friend's wife or girlfriend for the first time, afterwards you tell him, "Shefali seemed really nice!" Bullshit. Actually you were thinking, "Such a control freak! She's going to make his life a living hell. And doesn't he see those teeth or what?"

When ladkewale talk to the bride's father at the planning stage they always say, "We don't want anything..." Bullshit! They think the bride's father will give them more than they can ask for. 

When you are sitting in front of the interviewer for the job, your words are and I quote, "I don't worry about overtime, the work should be finished." But after you get the job, you make sure if you enter the office at 9:01 then you leave by 17:01 not 17:02 even if you have to shut down everything 20 minutes in advance. And any day when India is playing Pakistan is a day for you to fall sick. 

The interviewer is no fool either, he's paddling his own bullshit. "Our company has an excellent employee growth program.." when he's really thinking, "Yes, we will give you a score of C+ on appraisal and give you a 3% raise or tell you to go find another job." 

This is even more interesting in the case of girl candidates. She would serve up some bullshit wrapped up in nice words, "I am very focused on my career, I am hard-working, a team player and totally dedicated to my work." When actually, she's thinking, "My father is looking for a boy for me, as soon as the engagement is done, I will be out of here so fast there will be a hole in the air."

And the interviewer is thinking, "So what if she doesn't know anything about automation and answered 7 of the 10 questions wrong. She's cute, at least there will be some good-looking faces around here, the male-to-female ratio in the testing team is already so pathetic!" 

The examples are too many and time too little. But let's take one more. 

You are on a date with a beautiful girl with a figure like your favourite bollywood goddess. You say, "My god, you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen!" Bullshit! You were looking at boobs, you don't even know what colour her eyes are! 

On the other hand, she is saying, "Awww, you are so sweet!" but thinking, "Thank god, I Googled him before coming on this date. If he didn't make so much money, I'd out of here like a scared rabbit...what a geek!"

Okay, I must stop here, as you can see there is absolutely no shortage of examples from our real life and I think I have made my point now. 

Let me summarize by saying that bullshit is the lubrication that keeps the wheels of the civilization turning smoothly, it's the glue that holds this world together. In fact if there's one thing that separates us from the Neanderthals it's our capacity to paddle bullshit all day, every day, ad infinitum. 

But you know, if you want some no-bullshit material you can always come read my blog. ;) 

Why the fuss about Siri?

I have tried to ignore it so far but I have had so much mention of Siri on blogs, from other iPhone users and from other Android users that I thought I should put my own thoughts here for reference.

So, why the fuss about Siri?

Just one word - money!

Or if you prefer two words - marketing budget!

Yes, the only reason Siri has appeared so much on the radar lately is because Apple paid for it. Apple have their own technology blogs and they have their well-established strategies to place their product in the limelight. It's easy to do when you are paying for the light and the stage, either openly or discretely.

Then what's my beef with Siri? Actually, nothing. It's one useful feature in an otherwise useless piece of crap. That it doesn't work as well as advertised and in typical Apple fashion you only get to hear the good news while the problems are suppressed is another matter.

But Siri is basically just a voice-command and voice-dialling system. As I said, it's a good thing. I don't mind it. It's time iCrap users had something that was useful. I do, however, mind the fact that Apple is trying to act like they have just invented the wheel and given it as a gift to humanity! No, sir, that you have not!

In 2005, when I was using a phone called JASJAR, on Windows Mobile, I had a voice command application that could play music, dial phone numbers etc. Even before that when I was using phones that had just the Java-based mobile OS, I had voice commands and voice dialing, including customizable voice shortcuts. I remember having voice dialing as far back as January of 2001.

And on Android, I have had voice commands including voice dialling for a long while, at least a year. But because there was no multimillion-dollar marketing hype to release such things, nobody made a big deal out of it.

What Apple has done, is to re-use that existing functionality and packaged it well, then hyped it until it sounded better than Second Coming. Typical Apple!

To be fair, I don't want to go into the details of how rarely it's possible to use a voice-interface properly as that applies to all of them not just Siri.

P.S. 1. Siri doesn't work in UK if you ask anything like "Where's the nearest Pizza Hut?" It will tell you it can only find things in North America. Now how great is that for the British and European users, and Indian sub-contitent..and Russia..and..well, basically rest of the world. For Apple only North America matter. And is this fact mentioned anywhere in the fancy Siri ads or specs?

2. I have found web articles that Siri doubles the data usage on your phone. 

So the Apple customer rep said...

On the afternoon of 23rd December 2011, start of Christmas weekend, I went to an electronics store with a friend of mine, Currys, if you must know. This friend was in the market for a tablet and even though he had asked my advice, I knew he was the type who'd deliberate for months and then fall prey to Apple's marketing. But I went with him anyway, it's fun in itself for me to roam an electronics store with all those gadgets and devices around. I love to just browse there.

I should mention that I was wearing the tshirt that you see in the picture.

While looking over the iPads (it does sound like a sanitary napkin when said like that) we ran across the in-store customer representative from Apple. I had forgotten about the tshirt but he of course, noticed it.

So, he asked me if I didn't like Apple. I said, "No, I just love Apple. iCrap is my favourite crap in the world." He didn't get it.

I have noticed that the Apple people or even most fanbois don't directly say that Android sucks or it's bad or anything, they start something like, "Android is really great, some of my best friends are Android users, but...". Yes, they are sneaky about it lest someone discover their secret that they have sold their sole to Apple.

That's how this guy started, "Android is good, but it's become too fragmented now. Everybody is coming out with an Android device."

I swear to you I was not looking for an argument! Mainly because I have realized this tendency in me to jump down the throat of anyone who pulls out an iPhone in front of me or says that it's a good device. Also, my friend knew that I am a jumper-down-the-throat and he was watching me, waiting for me to pull out my bazooka and blow this guy away. I could almost hear him thinking, "Okay he talks so much in the office about this crap, always badmouthing Apple, let's see if he can stand up to an actual Apple guy." Because everybody knows that marketing guys are fast-talkers and they have all the facts about their devices and all the weaknesses of the competition.

Because of this I was trying to stay civilized and let the Apple guy live. But he continued. He (the Apple rep)  asked for my opinion! It was like he had a deathwish! So I replied to one of his comments. He replied and then...I had to shut him up. It's a shame I didn't record the conversation but I had no idea it would be long, I was going to "walk away from the conflict". Honest, I was trying to spare him.

Even though I didn't record the conversation and don't remember all of it, I remember a few major points that he tried to make, like, "It's all about the user experience. Nobody goes and says if they have a good experience with a phone, you only hear the problems..." I told him that's not true. He countered, "Who goes and says that they like a phone."
"I do."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"You go and point out the positive things about your phone?"
"Yes." He looked incredulous so I added, "Do you want a URL to my blog?"
He, prudently, declined that offer.

Not only is that true (anyone can read my reviews of my phones on this blog) but iPhones users very often gush about their phone how they love it. That's my guff with them, the company tries to hush up the problems.

I agreed with him that's all about the experience, "If your phone's battery dies, me, I can go buy a 10 quid replacement battery and be up and running, but you will have to send the whole phone to Apple and pay a big amount to get it replaced. If your battery has never died on you, this won't matter to you. If one time the battery dies on you, you will always curse the non-replaceable battery."

He had no choice but to agree.

He mentioned that iPhone was simple, not everybody was good with these devices. I laid a trap for him, "So you are saying that Apple devices are made for the technologically challenged?"
He didn't see it, walked right into the trap "Yes." I insulted his whole userbase in one sweeping statement and he agreed with me!

In "The Big Bang Theory" the main characters who are these genius scientists often talk about "Apple's devaluation of the word Genius" because apparently Apple store employees are terms "Apple Genius" in US. While talking to this guy I could see what Sheldon and Leonard mean.

After a rest he came back with his favourite, "But Android has become so fragmented now."
Now that the guns were drawn I didn't let it pass, "It's not called fragmented", I told him, "It's called taking the market by storm, it's called pissing on Apple!" I pointed to the tshirt.

He gave me a sheepish grin and shut up!

So, think about it, even a paid customer representative cannot defend the crap that Apple makes, what good is it then? Anybody else want to take me on?

Shut up about Lokpal already!

Indian people need to shut the fuck up...about corruption!

What was it that Jesus said - "He who is without sin shall cast the first stone!" or something like that.

Lately there has been a lot of discussion and shooting of mouth about corruption what with the Lokpal bill and Anna Hazare's movement and everything. It surprises me how little common sense is there in the world and how otherwise sensible people can be idiots. Yes, I am going to say "idiots" because I am pissed off right now.

Let me ask you something, you, who is sooo dead-set against corruption and cannot curse the corrupt politicians enough..who do you think you are?

When you are stopped by a policeman on the road, why do you say "Sir dekh lo kuchh ho sakta ho to.." instead of simply paying a challan like an "honest" citizen should? You don't even want to go to court and challenge it because you'll have to take a day off work. It's much simpler and easier to slip a 50 Rs. note to the constable on duty with your driving licence and be on your way.

When you need a ration card, do you go and stand in the queue for half a day or you pay an "agent" to deliver it conveniently to your house?

When you got your driving licence, did you really take the tests or did you "ensure" that you passed?

When a family member is sick and you have a chance to bypass the queues because the nurse on duty lives down the street from you, do you NOT take it because it would be unfair to others?

When you get a parking challan, do you go and pay it or do you find a way to "get it settled"?

When you have to pay "donation" to the private school to get your child admitted do you think even for a minute NOT to do it because it's corrupt and admit your kid to the government school?

When you buy something expensive do you waive the receipt because it'd mean paying 2% sales tax if you took the bill?

Have you ever lied on your expense account to the company?

Is your income tax statement 100% accurate?

Then who the hell gave you the right to talk about other people's corruption? 

The politicians are blamed because they are caught, and they do it in such horrendously large amounts but isn't that the only difference between you and them? A small thief and a big thief? They are both thieves and you know it.

So what is it? What is this big devotion to the Lokpal or any anti-corruption movement? Isn't it you trying to quiet your conscience about your own corruption by pointing fingers at the bigger thieves?

What I am saying is that it MIGHT be possible to find an honest policeman in India but it would be next to IMPOSSIBLE to find an honest member of the public!

I have no knowledge of the Indian politics, never did, never will, but if Anna Hazare is a politician, I would doubt IMMENSELY that he is without reproach. It just means that he hid it well.

And what would happen if the Lokpal bill was passed? Do you think it's LEGAL now for cops to take a bribe? Tell me in which department it is legally allowed to take a bribe and then tell me in which department bribe system is not in place!

Do I need to list out the activities that are 100% against the law and still each one of them flourishes in every city in India? Prohibition only drives the activity underground and drives the price up. Corruption is already underground, so what do you think will happen when one bill is passed?

In a country where a corrupt politician can get out by bribing the right people, it is absolutely stupid to pin so many hopes to a piece of legislation.

The law doesn't fix a problem, the culture does, at present we have a culture of corruption and it's not going away any time soon. So wake up and shut up!

'nuff said. 

Happy "New" Year?

Happy New Year to all my readers, all my blogfriends and all people who read this. If you don't get to read this, still I wish you have a lovely new year.

"Happy New Year" are the most used formula at this time of year, everybody wishes everybody they meet happy new year, but what does it really mean? We are wishing each to have a happy "New" year only? Well the wish is not for the whole year surely, simply because the year will not be "new" for the whole 12 months! So how long does the newness of the year last?

Or is the wish just for the New Year's Eve which is only on 31st December of the "last" year? That seems too short for all the fuss we make about it. Some people do actually wish "Have a wonderful year" or "Have a prosperous 2012." but that's only a minority.

Would anyone care to explain what this "new" year mean really?

My opinion, if you care to ask, is that the newness of the year lasts only until you are full of vigour and enthusiasm and don't give up on your ideas and dreams. When you start feeling tired and overcome by problems, the year is beginning to get old. That way some people manage to enjoy the "new" year right up to the midnight of 31st December because their enthusiasm never wanes.

I wish you a whole year full of dreams and the will to make them come true! 

My teachers: Mr. Chauhan

Teachers come in a variety of types, some who would rather be left alone, others who like to take control and drive things. And there are a few, extremely few who actually like to provide intellectual stimulation and make their students really think for themselves.

Mr. Chauhan was one such teacher. When I was doing my computer course we had a situation when we lost our teacher to another job. This, I should clarify, was a very small institute, owned by one person and usually staffed by one teacher. I was hardly in a position to criticise as the fee was very low and even then we had the option to pay in monthly instalments. If I told you how much it was, you wouldn't believe it, it was so low.

So, we had our computer teacher and suddenly he got another job and decided to leave the institute. The owner/manager of the institute, who also taught some classes, got Mr. Chauhan to fill in. We were learning PLT at the time (short for Programming Logic Techniques). Mr. Chauhan came in, and asked us some questions on what we had learnt so far in computers and in PLT. And he had this infuriating habit of saying "Why?" after every answer we gave him. His contention was that you should know the reason why something was so, not just say "That's what we've been told." This did annoy me because at some point that's what you have to say. No, not really. Now, I understand that the chain of answers should stop not at "So we've been told." but at "It's a fact provable by experiment." But we didn't get into that then.

Next we started on PLT. He started to quiz us first.

Mr. Chauhan: What do you need to write a program?
Class: Computer.
Mr. Chauhan: Wrong!

Oh, God!

But that's the sign of great teachers - their words can change your life, and you NEVER forget those words. He told us the "A program is written on paper, not on computer." This might seem blatantly obvious or even flippant but any computer programmer worth his salt would know exactly what it means. When you start writing programs on computer, you do shoddy work and make more mistakes. When you write a program on paper, you do your best work, and that way lies excellence.

He told us that the best paying job in computers (at the time at least) was a Systems Analyst and he hardly ever needs to go near a computer.

In that same class, he asked us more about programs and I was giving an answer when he stopped me and said, "No, not a program, algorithm." Arrgh! That almost sent me into a rage! They were the SAME thing! No, they are not!

Years later he told me that after the class he told our centre manager to keep an eye on me and forget the rest. Hehe, yes, I am proud of that. No way I am NOT going to mention that! But that day I was pissed off with him. But that was always his style, he never believed in spoonfeeding his students. I did very well in PLT, so what did he do? He didn't praise me or anything, he just gave me MORE problems to solve than other students in the class. The result is that I have very strong PLT skills and love to debate with people on the merits of "OR" and "AND" in a line of code.

After PLT he taught us COBOL. Yes, it was that long back. COBOL was on its way out even then but this was before the year 2000 so it was not completely out yet and did make some programmers rich when the Y2K work came. Alas, I was not one of them. Still, I did very well in COBOL and got 93% in the test,  which was not only the highest in the class, it was my highest score in any computer subject.  A year later the centre owner asked me to teach a batch there and guess what subject he asked me to teach - COBOL.

Then there was the incident when Chauhan Sir taught me MS-Office in 5 minutes.

This was a couple of years later, I was a software faculty by now and was teaching in a small institute other than the one I studied in. I was teaching DOS, Windows and a few other things, but not MS-Office. That was new at that time. It was version 4.3 I still remember very vividly. The nice lady I worked for wanted me to learn MS-Office so I could teach it as well. She and Chauhan sir were friends so I could go and learn with him at his institute which was in the same city.

I remember it like yesterday. I went to the pay phone near the institute and called Ds (that’s my code for him) to arrange for classes. He was in office and we talked. I explained what I needed. Here’s how the conversation went:

Ds: Toh MS-Office seekhna hai? (You want to learn MS-Office?)
Me: Yes, sir.
Ds: Kya karoge seekh ke? (What would you do with it?)
Me: Sir yahan padhaoonga. (I will teach it here).
Ds: Wordstar aata hai? (You know Word Star?) (Word Star was an older word processing software, DOS-based, and quite popular before MS-Word came along.
Me: Aata hai, sir. (I know it, sir.) (I was very confident, I was very good in WS).
Ds: Phir? (Then?)
Me: Sir, MS-Office nahin aata na. (I don’t know MS-Office).
Ds: To MS-Office seekhoge. (So you will learn MS-Office.)
Me: Yes, sir. (I was getting a bit annoyed by now.)
Ds: Phir? Naya aa jayega phir woh seekhoge? Kitne word processor seekhoge? (Then, when the new one comes out you’ll learn that? How many word processors will you learn?).
That shut me up and made me think.
Ds: Usko khol lo, help file kholo saath mein, aur karo. (Open it, and open the Help file, and use it.)

The whole conversation took less than 5 minutes, but he taught me MS-Office in 5 minutes. Alongwith that he taught me all other word processors and all programming languages without a computer in sight! Never felt the need to go for a class to learn a new application after that. And I ended up learning many other software and programming languages after that. I started teaching MS-Office later that week and have taught all versions. I pride myself on my Word and Excel skills and even though they are not my primary tools the knowledge has been extremely useful to me in my career.

That’s the kind of teacher Ds was and is. He knows how to kindle the spark and let the student learn instead of crippling him with spoonfeeding.

I am still in close touch with him. Whenever I go to India half of my vacation time is spent with him, either visiting his business or home, or debating something in technology or society.

One thing I really hate  is that he never taught me Chess. He was a state champion in his time and I really wanted to learn to play better Chess from him. But the only time we played together it was like him playing with only 10% of his mind on the game and he beat me, no, actually crushed me without even bothering to “play”. I hated that. But I haven’t given up, some day I’ll trap him into teaching me. ;)

There was a great time, a wonderful period of my life when I was working in his own company. Even when I had a problem in a technology or language that he didn’t know, I would still go to Ds for solutions. And he would sort me out. Without knowing the language and without learning! His logic is just so strong that he always knows what questions to ask.

He had written books on COBOL that were used in schools as textbooks, but he never mentioned it to brag. I found out just by chance. Same thing about his Chess skills. He never brags, never needs to. But anyone who meets him, cannot forget him. I am very proud and privileged that I met him and that he is still in my life as a guiding spirit.

My dream is to one day collaborate with him on a project! Amen!

Facebook is a waste of time

Sigmund Freud maintained that all energy is sexual energy and if a person uses that energy in anything other than sex he is applauded by the society but if he uses it in pursuance of sex itself he is considered a pervert by the same society.

I am proposing a theory that all energy is Facebook energy. If it is used directly on Facebook then it is a waste of time but if it is directed into some other venture it turns into a useful, productive result.

As usual, let’s look at history, Thomas Edison, Marie Curie, Mao Tse Tung were these great people? Yes, they were. Did they have Facebook accounts? No, they didn’t! On the other hand, George Bush, Paris Hilton, Sarah Palin are all on Facebook.

‘nuff said!

Sachchi Shiksha

[I was planning to do a blog post on this topic (which I still might do later) but when I woke up this morning the inspiration in my head was more towards poetry than prose. Result is this poem. I take no responsibility for what happens if you follow it like a life philosophy. Or if you don’t. ;)  ]

नया ज़माना आया प्यारे इसके नये उसूल,
झूठ के ढोल बजाओ भाई, सच को जाओ भूल,

सच को जाओ भूल यही दस्तूर है प्यारो,
सच की फीकी दाल में यारो, थोड़ा झूठ का तड़का मारो.

बारह आने सच्चाई के चार आने का झूठ,
खुल्ली लूट मची है प्यारे लूट सके तो लूट.

लूट सके तो लूट, बहुत मौके हैं प्यारे,
बेईमानी की चाबी पकड़ो खुल जाएँगे ताले सारे.

दस्तूर जहाँ दस्तूरी का हो, सच्चाई का राग ना गाओ
भाषण तो घर जा कर देना, पैसा फेंको काम कराओ

पैसा फेंको काम कराओ, चाहे नौकरी या हो तरक्की,
चोर चोर मौसेरे भाई, अपनी दोस्ती सबसे पक्की.

सच की राह तुम चलो हमेशा बच्चों को यह पाठ पढ़ाओ,
Admission  का समय जब आए, donation दो entry पाओ.

donation दो entry पाओ. , मत सब को उपदेश सुनाओ,
'खाओ और खाने दो' का तुम नया मूल मन्त्र अपनाओ.

सच्चाई की राह चले तो काँटे ही राहों में होंगे,
बेइमानी की खाद लगाओ, फूल उगाओ खुशबू पाओ.

सूखी रोटी सच्चाई की कब तक पानी से खाओगे,
बेईमानी का मक्खन मारो अपना जीवन सरल बनाओ.

Texting and driving

It might seem like a good idea, but it really isn't.

Reality about Text Messaging: Video

http://www.maniacworld.com/Texting-While-Driving-PSA.html

Text Messaging

Comedy Circus - 4.12.2011

Amazing episode, best of all episodes of all seasons!

Movie Review - Desi Boyz - Rocking it filmy style

When you go to see a Hindi film, especially in the current times, you don't really expect a lot of  common sense and realistic scenes. You expect to be entertained with larger-than-life characters and dramatic scenes alongwith Bollywood style music. If you go with those expectations you'll love Desi Boyz.

Frankly, my expectations were much lower courtesty of Akki's last film Tees Maar Khan. But I was pleasantly suprised. The story as usual is very basic and can be explained in one sentence. Jerry Patel (Akshay Kumar) and Nick Mathur (John Abraham) both lose their jobs in the times of recession and in order to fulfill the dire need of money in their lives, they become male escorts. That's it.

Now, if you gave that premise to a 5-year old (Desi) boy and told him the star cast, he would be able to give you ALL the twists in the story including the type and number of songs.

And yet, the movie manages to not disappoint because of the silly but nice humour and the little twists that have been executed well. The movie manages to keep people on the seats and doens't make them look at their watches. Pace of the story is fairly even.

It's Rohit Dhawan's first film as a director and I think he has done a good job. At first when I heard the name I thought David Dhawan had adopted Rohit Shetty, but later found out that he was David Dhawan's own son. To Rohit (Dhawan)'s credit, the film is much less silly than David's films that he has made with Govinda in the past.

The gigolo part of it is done with brilliant dance and music numbers. Like almost all modern music this won't last long either, but for the flavour of the month the music is very entertaining and hummable, even danceable. Suffice it to say that I have all the songs in my playlist right now.

While we are talking of music, I think at least 2 of the tunes are stoen, excuse me, inspired by other Hindi songs. If you are curious do a comparative analysis and see if they click. Here's the data. The retro type song "Filmein shilmein chalti thiiN, hum gaane waane gaate the" reminds me of that that song about Gandhi in Lage Raho Munna Bhai. The other song - "Jhak maar ke" has starting music that looks exactly similar to "Rookhi sookhi roti tere haathon se kha ke aaya maja bada." I think it's from Nayak. I'd like to hear your opinions on both. But all in all, the music is very good and the singers have done a great job as well.

The kid who plays Akshay's nephew is very cute and has delivered a good performance for a child so young. Unfortunately his name is not in the IMDB credits.

The humour in the film is good and fortunately not much of it is gross male-movie type humour. The dialogues for the most part are clever and suit the characters. The outtakes used in end credits are really funny, best part of the movie in my opinion, though they are filled with *beep*s.

Let's talk more about the star cast. Both Akshay and John have been presented as beefcake and if my friend's reaction is any indication the female audience will love it. Both female leads, Deepika Padukone and Chitrangda Singh, are looking really good and their clothes have been designed to cash in on their beauty. I like both of them, especially Chitrangda so no complaints from me. I might buy the DVD just to watch them. :) No, I will buy the DVD for the extras. There are a big number of female extra's in the songs and there are really sexy. They have done their part quite well too, as I was watching them in the songs, having no interest in either John or Akshay's oiled up bodies. In one song "Subah hone na de", Bruna Abdalah has done an item song like appearance and she's hot, man!

Anupam Kher has done a great job in his role as the girl's father and they way he has balanced his gay/curious streak in the character is both hilarious and genius. Omi Vaidya the annoying guy from 3 Idiots has a small role, he is annoying in this one as well, but I think that's what he's meant to be. Mohnish Behl, small role that he done with dignity. Sanjay Dutt has delivered a good performance as the Escort Agency Owner.

As for poetry in the lyrics, hah, what poetry, mate? The lyrics are the normal, cheap, rhyming crap you get with most new songs. The chorus of 2 or 3 songs ('make some noise for the desi boys', 'subah hone na de', 'allah maaf kare') is very catchy and will stay with you but the words are almost meaningless.

There are lapses in common sense, but you kinda expect that much. For example, my highly intelligent nephew asked me yesterday, "If they are struggling so much for money why does John not sell his motorcycle?" Yes, John had really expensive-looking bike that he doesn't sell even when they lose the kid because of money. There are other things,

This film reminds me of two other movies. One "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo" in which Rob Schneider does a hilarious job of being an inept gigolo. Second, "Evelyn" in which Pierce Brosnan delivers a tremendous performance as an out-of-work Irish father fighting for the custody of his children.

This movie doesn't touch either of them but is a good entertainer for a weekend afternoon.

Gotcha!

Btw, that article I posted on the nevative effects of cursing your computer "Be Kind To Your Computer"? Well, it was a fake. I wrote the whole thing just in the fit of a creative spasm. You can take it as a late April fool's prank from me. But I did post the truth as part of that post at the bottom. But only for those who can read invisible text. :)

Actually, it was a good test of my readers after my "Be Safe On The Web" post. If you had followed any of the links in the article, you'd have found that they didn't lead anywhere. Except the Wikipedia links. And as befits a good lie, I mixed it up with a good helping of the true facts.

I hope you enjoyed the post. ;)

Death of a Legend - Dev Anand

Indian film cinema legend Dev Anand passed away in a hospital in London yesterday. To the Hindi film lovers in India, Dev Anand needs no introduction. I just want to use this space to express my deepest sorrow that the industry has lost an icon!

Dev Anand or Dev Sahab as he was known to everybody, was not just a film star, to me he was a symbol of undying passion and indefatigable spirit. He had a very successful film career starting from the black and white era of Hindi cinema all the way into technicolour with so many hits and superhits that they cannot be counted on the fingers. In his old age (I use this word hesitantly for him as he defied the term with his very being), he continued making films, and he kept on making them despite the result on the box office.

There were questions about the quality of his films and that he was so fond of being in the frame himself. Maybe there's something in that, or maybe it's that elusive x-factor that one needed for a box office success in Bollywood. But even his worst enemies cannot say that he accepted defeat. Even after the bad failure of a movie, he'd simply dust himself off, announce his next film and go out in search of his next discovery.

Despite the failure of several of his later films, he launched many successful careers. There are many legends and inspiring stories about him that you can easily find on the web. But I cannot refrain from mentioning the legend of his black shirts. The legend goes that Bombay police had to request him not to wear black shirts as it excited his female fans too much. There is a mention of some girls jumping off balconies. I don't know how true that is but it must have a grain of truth in it based on the facts we know.

Dev Anand was always a well-dressed, debonair star on-screen and off it. Even in his later years this image didn't change. Any time I saw him on screen in a film festival or award function, he was always the well-dressed, well-spoken gentleman who did our film industry credit.

Another inspiring fact about him, for me, is the song "Main zindagi ka saath nibhata chala gaya". In an interview Dev Anand said that he lived his life like that and indeed he did. That song has been an inspiration to me for years.

Dev Sahab was 88 and he worked till his last breath. His latest film is Chargesheet to be released in 2011 (already released?).

I will just finish with the sentiment that Dev Anand will be missed for his contribution to the Hindi cinema and he will live on forever through his work.

General information about him you can read in this news item:
http://www.moneycontrol.com/news/entertainment/dev-anand-bollywoods-stylish-peter-pan-dies_629122.html

Random sher - ilm ka sauda

अश्आर मेरे यूँ तो ज़माने के लिए हैं
कुछ शेर फक़त उनको सुनाने के लिए हैं

ये इल्म का सौदा, ये रिसाले, ये किताबें,
एक शख्स की यादों को भुलाने के लिए हैं.