Does this remind anybody of Apple?

A Funny Moment from Angoor

There are some things that are just too amazing for words. Like Hrishikesh Mukerjee. That one director could make so many really fantastic films is like a record in the Hindi cinema. One of his films is Angoor. The movie is based on Shakespeare's play "Comedy of Errors", no, it's not "inspired", Shakespeare has been given full credit for the story.

The story as you probably know is based on 2 pairs of twin brothers who separate when they are babies, one brother with his servant lives in one city while his twin brother lives in another city with the first servant's twin brother. When they are all grown up and middle-aged men, one brother visits the other's city with his servant. Both the masters have the same name - Ashok, both the servants have the same name - Bahadur. And the fun starts...

This 1983 movie is not just hilarious it's a gem of Hindi cinema. The beauty is not in the story or the suspense, the beauty is in the fact that each scene, each shot is so great that you cannot help enjoying yourself. The performances are fantastic, especially Sanjeev Kumar who won the Best Actor Filmfare award for this but others are just as good.

I have watched it so many times that I have lost count. Every time I start the film, just yoon hi to watch a scene or two to refresh myself I can't help but watch it to the end. Even if I have watched it last month or yesterday. It's just so easy to watch and so hard to stop in the middle.

The scene I have posted here is amazing because of its simplicity. I don't think this kind of detail was written by Shakespeare but the film has many, many such moments. I just can't praise it enough. I think if I were stuck on a desert island. I would want this movie with me. (And a portable media player and lots of batteries of course ;) )

I hope you enjoy the scene, I didn't do any hard work in selecting it, the film is FULL of such amazingly simple but really hilarious scenes. 

Apple/iPhone jokes

Q: Why is the Apple still reporting record profits?
A: Because iPhone users are just as oblivious to the looming recession as they are to good technology.

Q: What is written on Steve Jobs tombstone?
A: iCame, iSaw, iConquered, iLeft, iCameBack, iThinkDifferent, iMac, iPod, iTunes, iPhone, iPad, iCloud, iRIP

Q: Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret?
A: They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!

Q: How many Apple Iphone early adopters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of any useful features!

Q: Why is it so sad that Steve Jobs died?
A: Everyone at Apple are crying their i's out!

It was reported this week that Google would soon launch its own cellphone as a challenge to the iPhone. Also a challenge to the iPhone? Making phone calls. (Saturday Night Live)

Steve Jobs‘ funeral will be held next week, after which he will be reburied every six months in a slightly better coffin. (Twitter)

Facebook is a waste of time

Sigmund Freud maintained that all energy is sexual energy and if a person uses that energy in anything other than sex he is applauded by the society but if he uses it in pursuance of sex itself he is considered a pervert by the same society.

I am proposing a theory that all energy is Facebook energy. If it is used directly on Facebook then it is a waste of time but if it is directed into some other venture it turns into a useful, productive result.

As usual, let’s look at history, Thomas Edison, Marie Curie, Mao Tse Tung were these great people? Yes, they were. Did they have Facebook accounts? No, they didn’t! On the other hand, George Bush, Paris Hilton, Sarah Palin are all on Facebook.

‘nuff said!

Sachchi Shiksha

[I was planning to do a blog post on this topic (which I still might do later) but when I woke up this morning the inspiration in my head was more towards poetry than prose. Result is this poem. I take no responsibility for what happens if you follow it like a life philosophy. Or if you don’t. ;)  ]

नया ज़माना आया प्यारे इसके नये उसूल,
झूठ के ढोल बजाओ भाई, सच को जाओ भूल,

सच को जाओ भूल यही दस्तूर है प्यारो,
सच की फीकी दाल में यारो, थोड़ा झूठ का तड़का मारो.

बारह आने सच्चाई के चार आने का झूठ,
खुल्ली लूट मची है प्यारे लूट सके तो लूट.

लूट सके तो लूट, बहुत मौके हैं प्यारे,
बेईमानी की चाबी पकड़ो खुल जाएँगे ताले सारे.

दस्तूर जहाँ दस्तूरी का हो, सच्चाई का राग ना गाओ
भाषण तो घर जा कर देना, पैसा फेंको काम कराओ

पैसा फेंको काम कराओ, चाहे नौकरी या हो तरक्की,
चोर चोर मौसेरे भाई, अपनी दोस्ती सबसे पक्की.

सच की राह तुम चलो हमेशा बच्चों को यह पाठ पढ़ाओ,
Admission  का समय जब आए, donation दो entry पाओ.

donation दो entry पाओ. , मत सब को उपदेश सुनाओ,
'खाओ और खाने दो' का तुम नया मूल मन्त्र अपनाओ.

सच्चाई की राह चले तो काँटे ही राहों में होंगे,
बेइमानी की खाद लगाओ, फूल उगाओ खुशबू पाओ.

सूखी रोटी सच्चाई की कब तक पानी से खाओगे,
बेईमानी का मक्खन मारो अपना जीवन सरल बनाओ.

Comedy Circus - 4.12.2011

Amazing episode, best of all episodes of all seasons!

Gotcha!

Btw, that article I posted on the nevative effects of cursing your computer "Be Kind To Your Computer"? Well, it was a fake. I wrote the whole thing just in the fit of a creative spasm. You can take it as a late April fool's prank from me. But I did post the truth as part of that post at the bottom. But only for those who can read invisible text. :)

Actually, it was a good test of my readers after my "Be Safe On The Web" post. If you had followed any of the links in the article, you'd have found that they didn't lead anywhere. Except the Wikipedia links. And as befits a good lie, I mixed it up with a good helping of the true facts.

I hope you enjoyed the post. ;)

Rahim Cyber Remix

I don't know what got into me, so don't ask. But I felt like writing some dohe of Rahim in the modern context. So here they are. They are absolutely silly and have no purpose other than to entertain (if that). See if you can remember the originals these are based on.

Bandwidth itna deejiye jaa mein kutumb samaay
Torrent bhi chalte rahein, YouTube bhi na rukaay

Aisi email bhejiye man kaa aapa khoye,
Receiver bhi hans hans padhe, sender bhi khush hoye

Server niyare raakhiye, firewall lagaay,
Aisa waisa hacker bhi panga na le paay.

Rahiman yeh ghar chat ka khaala ka ghar naahin,
Naam badal side kare tab paithe ghar maahin

Apple Product Lifecycle

Dilbert burns Apple

Android Vs. Apple

Purba's Sita

Fellow blogger Purba has written a 3-part story of Sita that is so hilarious that it'd be a crime not to share it.

Therefore, here are the links. Warning: You might fall off the chair with laughter, so if you are reading in office, be careful!

Part 1
http://purba-ray.blogspot.com/2011/10/when-sita-clicked-write.html
Part 2
http://purba-ray.blogspot.com/2011/10/sita-travels-abroad.html
Part 3
http://purba-ray.blogspot.com/2011/10/this-is-sita-reporting-live.html

Funny Quotes from Wayne's World

Just some funny quotes from the classic 90's movie - Wayne's World. They are so hilarious, I had to share them.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105793/quotes

Akbar-Birbal - The Wisdom Fruit

We all want to be wise. Here's a story from Akbar-Birbal about a king who tried a shortcut to wisdom. 

Emperor Akbar's court was in session when a messenger arrived from the neighbouring country with a message for the Emperor. The message was as puzzling as it was it simple.

"To Emperor Akbar,

We have been informed that your court is a treasure trove of wisdom. As your neighbour we would like you to share your wisdom with us. Please send one Fruit of Wisdom to us, so that we can grow our own from the sample.

Inability to send us a Fruit of Wisdom from your side will be regarded as an act of hostility and will be reciprocated in kind from our side."

"Fruit of Wisdom?", the Emperor was perplexed, "Who starts these rumours?"

Nobody had an answer to that. It was learnt later that the neighbour king had heard the legend of Birbal's wit and had concocted this plan in his jealousy to show up Birbal or find an excuse to attack Akbar's kingdom.

After a period of idle speculation and fruitless (no pun intended) discussion, all eyes finally turned to Birbal who was sitting silently.

"Birbal", Akbar asked, "You are the only one who has not offered any comments on this situation. Do you have an answer to give to this messenger?"

Birbal said, "Yes, Your Majesty.", he turned to the messenger, "Tell your king that we are all out of Fruits of Wisdom at the moment and it will take 6 weeks to grow a fresh one. Once the Fruit is ready, you can come and collect it. In 6 weeks' time."

The messenger departed without further comment and as soon as he was out of earshot, Akbar could contain his puzzlement no longer.

"Birbal, have you gone mad? Grow what? In 6 weeks? There is NO such thing as a Fruit of Wisdom. Why did you tell him 6 weeks. What will we give him when the messenger comes back in 6 weeks?"

Birbal smiled his knowing smile that used to drive the Empror insane because he could not guess what he was thinking, "Your Majesty, please leave this small matter in my hands. When the messenger returns in 6 weeks he will be given the Fruit of Wisdom and rest assured that it will satisfy our neighbour king."

Next morning, Birbal sowed some seeds of pumpkin in his garden at home. He kept a careful eye on their progress every day. When the Emperor asked him in court about the matter of the Fruit, he would reply complacently, "The Fruit is being grown, Your Majesty!"

When the pumpkins were 2 weeks old, Birbal covered 2 of them with earthen pitchers (ghade) and made supports for them so that they would still get sunlight while growing completely inside the ghade.

When the pumpkins grew big enough that they filled the earthen pitchers completely without breaking them, Birbal plucked them off.

Two days later the messenger arrived as expected. When he walked into the Emperor's court and demanded delivery of the Fruit of Wisdom, Birbal stood up and handed him the earthen pitchers filled with the fully grown pumpkins.

He addressed the messenger, "In view of our cordial relations with your kingdom we have prepared two Fruits of Wisdom instead of one to be delivered to your king. But please tell the king that special care must be taken when extracting the Fruits. If you cut the Fruit with a knife or break the special container, the Fruit will be entirely spoilt."

The messenger looked at Birbal's face, then looked at the Fruits of Wisdom and retreated in silence.

Moral of the story: Your mind is a wonderful tool, the only way to sharpen it is to use it.

PJ Shayri - My Style

I have seen this sort of thing on Comedy Circus, but they don't really pay attention to the rhythm or length, just the rhyming of last words. I thought I could do better, so here are some samples for you.

उसके  प्यार  में दिल ने हमको यूँ काँटों में घसीटा, 

तन की शक्ति, मन की शक्ति, Bournvita

बिना तुम्हारे नींद न आये दिन भी नहीं ढलता

तुम्हारी त्वचा से तुम्हारी उम्र का पता ही नहीं चलता

साथ तुम्हारा प्रियतमे छूटेगा नहीं

फेविकोल का मज़बूत जोड़ है टूटेगा नहीं 

नेताओं को लग गई बेईमानी की खाज

बुलंद भारत  की बुलंद तस्वीर...हमारा बजाज 

हम को तो पैसे से मतलब देश का  जो कछु होय 

She's a complan girl, I am a complan boy

जैसा कि रिवाज है आखिरी शेर में शायर का नाम ज़रूर आना चाहिए, तो अर्ज़ है कि..

बेईमानों की BMW, सच्चों की खडखडिया है 

वाह सुनील बाबू, बढ़िया है 

As usual, your comments are welcome. :) 

Ghazal Ka Murabba

I was feeling strangely creative last night so I wrote a silly little ghazal. And what's the use of writing anything if I don't post it and let people make fun of it.


याद जी का जंजाल हो गयी है,
मोहब्बत अब मलाल हो गयी है,


तेरी हाँ में जवाब है इसका,
ज़िंदगी एक सवाल हो गयी है


सिर्फ़ एक तेरे इश्क़ की रूह से,
मेरी हस्ती कमाल हो गयी है,


यह कैसा इंतज़ार है यारब,
हर घड़ी एक साल हो गयी है,


सचाई आज के इंसानो की,
एक बुझती मशाल हो गयी है,


ये दुआ का असर है आख़िरकार
हिज्र की रात शब-ए-विसाल हो गयी है,


ज़िंदगी ख्वाब थी कभी "साहिल",
आज बस एक मिसाल हो गयी है.


Then I realized there were still possibilities in this rhythm so,


इसी ज़मीन में आगे हज़ल सुनें.


अर्ज़ किया है कि..


किस तरह इस्तमाल हो गयी है,
मेरी टाई उनका रुमाल हो गयी है,


लैला-मजनू सी दास्तान थी मेरी,
आज विक्रम-बेताल हो गयी है.


रोटी दाँतों-काटी थी जिनकी कभी,
उनकी जूतों में दाल हो गयी है.


पहले हिरनी सी चाल थी उसकी,
बाद शादी भूचाल हो गयी है.


जब से बीवी का फोन आया है,
उनकी हालत बेहाल हो गयी है.


पोलीस-वालों से माँगता है दाम,
पानवाले की इतनी मज़ाल हो गयी है.


भूल जा सुर और ताल को "साहिल",
अब सिर्फ़ एक हॅड-ताल हो गयी है.

Baba Aur Dhoni

Place: Baba Ka Darbar
Date: Day of World-Cup Semi-Final with Pakistan
Time: Morning

Sanyasin1 comes to Baba with a smile.

Sanyasin1: Baba, Dhoni ji aaye hain.

Baba: Achchha tabhi main kahoon ye mahila bhakt sab itna muskura kyon rahi hain! Bulao, balike, bulao, Bharat ke sher ko.

Dhoni comes in.

Dhoni: Baba pranam. Aapka aashirvaad lene aaya hoon.

Baba: Vijayi bhav, putra! Apna naam saarthak karo. Dhoni ho to dho dalo Pakistan ko.

Dhoni: Baba, lekin ek samasya hai.

Baba: Bolo baalak.

Dhoni: Baba, jab main pitch par hota hoon to ladkiyan bada distract karti hain. Kaisi kaisi khoobsurat ladkiyan line deti hai ki kya bataoon aap ko.

Baba: Arre beta, kanya_en agar Bharat ke star ko nahin line dengi to kya Salman Khan ko line dengi?

Dhoni: Par baba dhyaan to bant_ta hai na!

Baba: Haan baalak, aik samay par ek hi game mein dhyaan rakho warna..

Dhoni: Baba even Pakistani girls itni line deti hai, apne players ki taraf dekhti bhi nahin..

Baba: Beta, Bharat ke gabru jawanon ko Pakistan hi nahin har desh ki sundariyaan line deti hai..par pitch par tum sirf khel mein dhyaan rakho.

Dhoni: Magar kaise baba, kaise?!

Baba: Thehro, hum tumhen aik picture message bhej rahe hain.

Dhoni's Android phone beeps, he takes it out, looks at Baba's message and shudders.

Dhoni: Kitni daraawani photo hai! Baba, kaun hai ye?

Baba: Ye Rakhi Sawant ki maa hai.

Dhoni: Oh, magar baba...

Baba: Iss photo ko print kar ke apne bat ke peechhe chipka do. Jab bhi man vichlit hone lage, bas isse dekh lena, stree jaati se tumhara interest hi chala jaayega.

Dhoni: Wah, Baba, aap mahaan hain! Baba ki jai!

Sanyasin1: Android wale baba ki...

Bhakt Crowd: JAI!

Baba: Jao, vijayi bhav!

[Now we wait and see if Dhoni followed Baba's advice.]

Baba Ke Glamorous Bhakt

Baba ko to aap log jaante hi hain. Baba ka darbar laga hua hai. Baba pravchan kar chuke hain. Bhakt log darshan ko aa rahe hain..koi sirf aashirvad lene aata hai to koi apni samasya lekar matlab se aata hai. Baba sabka ud_dhaar karte hain.


Sanyasin 1: Baba, Rakhi aayi hai.


Baba: Balike, tum to jaanti ho hamare ashram mein sirf yahi ek tyohaar hai jiska naam lena verjit hai. Valentine's day ki baat karo, Diwali ka naam lo, Rakhi ko chhod do.


Sanyasin 1: Nahin baba, Rakhi Sawant.


Baba ka aasan dol jaata hai.


Baba: Balikao, saare joote-chappal chhupa do, phir usko baad unko bulaao.


Sanyasin 2: Kyon baba, ye kya joote churati hain?


Baba: Arre hamein churaane ki nahin, chalaane ki chinta hai, balike. Tumhe kya lagta hai ye apne talent se famous hui hai?


Rakhi Sawant Enters.


Rakhi: Baba ki jai ho. Baba aap mahaan hain. Aap kamaal hain. Aap ke jaisa koi nahin, meri mummy bhi kehti hai...


Baba: Balike, ijjat dekar ijjat utaarne waale tumhare style se hum parichit hai..mudde ki baat par aao..


Rakhi: Baba, mera last show ekdum flop ho gaya, baba. Main kya karoon mera talent kum hota jaa raha hai, baba, kuchh upaay bataa_iye na.


Baba: Hmmm..Google ki sharan mein jaao. Search karo - "Delhi Police Online Training", jitni nayi aur karaari gaaliyan milengi sab tumhare agle reality show me kaam aagyengi.


Rakhi: Wah baba, aap to kamaal hain. Lekin ek aur problem hai baba.


Baba: Abhi aur bhi? Khair bolo.


Rakhi: Baba, naye show ke liye naya producer bhi chahiye.


Baba: Haan ye to samasya hai, jisne tumhen ek baar dekh liya wo to dobara haath lagayega nahin.


Rakhi (hurt): Baba!?


Baba: Baba se nakhra mat karo, baalike, baba tumhari aukaat jaante hain. Hmmm, aisa karo, Bollywood ke Apple store mein jao aur aisa customer search karo jisne pichchhle ek saal mein iPod, iPad aur iPhone teeno ko naya version khareeda ho. Usse zyada akal ka andha aur neeyat ka ganda banda tumhen nahin milega. Wohi tumhara show produce karega.


Rakhi: Wah baba, you are too good. Baba ki jai..


Sanyasin 1: Android waale baba ki...


Bhakt crowd: JAI!!


Baba: Jai-jaikar chhodo balike, aur aashram ka shuddhikaran karo.


Sanyasin 1 and 2: Jee baba!


Baba starts bhajan..."Ramchandra keh gaye siya se, aisa kalyug aayega..hans chugega daana dunka, hans chugega dana dunka, kauwa moti khaayega...he ji re..."


Sanyasins join in: "hans chugega daana dunka, kauwa moti khayega..."


Baba (still singing):
suno siya kaljug mein, kaala dhan aur kaale man honge
kaale man honge
chor uchchakke nagar seth
aur prabhu bhakt nirdhan honge
nirdhan honge
jo hoga lobhi aur bhogi
jo hoga lobhi aur bhogi
wo jogi kehlayega
hans chugega dana dunka
hans chugega dana dunka
kauwa moti khayega


Crowd joins the sanyasins in chorus: "hans chugega daana dunka, kauwa moti khayega..."


Sanyasin 1: Baba, Mallika aayi hain.


Baba: Mallika_on ka raaj chala gaya balike, ab to Miss India_on ka raaj hai.


Sanyasin giggles: Nahin baba, Mallika Sherawat. Then to Sanyasin 2 in a whisper, "Baba ka general knowledge poor nahin hai?"


Sanaysin 2 (in whisper): General knowledge ki baat nahin, baba ka taste better hai.


Baba: Arre aaj subah-subah kiska munh dekh liya.


Sanyasin 2: Baba, aaj to jab aap uthe to TV par Clinton ka interview aa raha tha...


Baba: Uff, tabhi to...khair bulao inhen bhi.


Mallika Sherawat enter amidst whistles from male bhakts.


Mallika touches Baba's knee: Baba ki jai ho.


Baba: Arre hamein kya Emraan Hashmi samjhaa hai baalike, wahin se baat karo.


Mallika (pouting): Baa..ba!


Baba: Balike, yahi tumhara ekmatra talent hai, isse vyarth kharch na karo. Kaho kya samasya hai? 


Mallika: Baba, meri to kai problems hain?


Baba: Ek-ek karke pitaara kholo. 


Mallika: Baba, mere dress designer ko koi nayi inspiration nahin aati, main heroine hoon, mujhe nayi nayi glamorous dresses mein dikhna zaroori hai. 


Baba: Balike, uska qasoor nahin hai. Jitne chhote kapde tum pehanti ho usme usne jitnee variety dee hai wo kamaal hai, isse zyada chhote karega toh ander ho jayega. 


Mallika: Oh, baba, aap bhi bas...baba, mere producer bhi bade limited ho gaye hain. Sab ghuma-phira ke wohi limited scene dete hain...kissing-dance, kissing-dance isse aage kuchh bhi nahin. (pouts)


Baba: Isse aage badhega to public ke joote khayega. 


Mallika: Toh main kya karoon, Baba?


Baba: Bollywood reet sada chali aayi, bhaanti-bhaanti se gund phailaai. Jiski film mein line khatam ho jaati hai wo music video se gund phailaata hai. Tum bhi music video banaao. 


Mallika: Wah, baba, what a great idea! 


Baba starts singing: 
mandir soona soona hoga
bhari rahengi madhushaala madhushaala
pita ke sang sang bhari sabha mein
nachengi ghar ki baala ghar ki baala
kaisa kanya daan pita hi
kaisa kanya daan pita hi
kanya ka dhan khaayega
hans chugega dana dunka
hans chugega dana dunka
kauwa moti khayega


Sanyasins join in the chorus: "hans chugega dana dunka, hans chugega dana dunka, kauwa moti khayega"


Baba: "he ji re he ji re he"


Mallika: Baba, baba, bas ek aur last problem. 


Baba: Bako. Haan, matlab bolo, kanya. 


Mallika: Baba, meri popularity badhaane ke liye kya karoon, taaki main phir se number 1 bun jaaoon?


Baba: Android per apne dance ki app launch karwao, popularity raatoN-raat badh jaayegi. 


Mallika: Wah baba, you are great! Baba ki jai...


Sayasins: "Android waale baba ki..."


Bhakt crowd: "JAI!!"


[Bhakt toh aur bhi hain par samay seemit hai..aaj itna hi.]

Baba Ke VIP Bhakt

Scene: Baba Ka Darbar. Bhakt log are sitting. Two cute sanyasins flanking baba on either side assisting as bhakts come one by one and narrate their problems.

Sanyasin 1: Baba Sah Rukh Khan aaye hain aapki sharan mein.

Baba: Oh, Junior Amitab Bachchan? Haan, haan, bulao.

SRK: B…b..baba, p...p…p..pranam!

Baba: Abe pranaam bhi kistoN mein karega? Kabhi to passenger chhod kar express pakad liya kar.

SRK: B…b…baba, main samjha nahin.

Baba: Arre itna samajhdar hota toh kya Asoka jaisi filmein banata phirta? Chal khair kya samasya hai?

SRK: B..b..baba, meri filmein chal nahin rahi hain kuchh upaay batayein kaisi film banaoon?

Baba: Abe, Don ki copy tune kallee, Devdas tune bana lee, ab Maine Pyar Kiya ki copy kal_ley.

SRK: B..b..baba, ye aap kaise bol rahehain?

Sanyasin1: Baba ko Akshya Kumar syndrome hai.

Sanyasin2: Baba jab aavesh mein aa jaate hain toh Dilli-6 ki bhaasha mein baat karne lagte hain.

SRK:. Oh, par B…b…b…aba, main kya karoon jo meri film hit ho jaaye. Meri 4 filmein pit chuki hain.

Baba: Arre mere slow motion ke Dilip Kumar, jab tu 30 second ke dialogue ko ghaseet-ghaseet ke, ghaseet-ghaseet ke 3 minute mein bolega to public to bore ho hi jayegi na? Aur kaam nahin hai kya logoN ko?

SRK: T…t…t..toh kya karoon, Baba. Main aapki Sharan mein aaya hoon.

Baba: Theek hai. Apne Android phone mein ek app download kar…

SRK: Ba….ba, Android phone toh hai nahin.

Baba shouts: Arre bahar nikalo isko!

Two mustande sanyasi grab SRK by the arms.

SRK screams: Khareed loonga, baba, khareed loonga!

Baba signals. The sanyasi’s leave SRK.

Baba: App download kar, it’s called “Nana Patekar Speech Therapy.” Practice kar, speed level mein aa jayegi, phir movie bana aur aish kar.

SRK: J..j…jai ho baba ki!

Sanyasin1 & 2: Android wale baba ki…

Bhakt crowd: JAI!

Sanyasin 1: Baba, Amit ji aaye hain.

Baba: Haan bulao lamboo ko. Haan bhai, aa jao, wo naariyal ka ped hai dekho sir na lage, bachaakar aa jao.

AB(Read this in Kuldeep Dubey version of AB): Baba! Baba ki jai ho. Baba meri madad karein. Main badi mushkil mein hoon, baba. Meri popularity kam hoti ja rahi hai, koi film mein nahin le raha, baba.

Baba: Arre mere chalte phirte khajoor ke ped, pehle to tumne Kaun Banega Crorepati, Kaun Banega Crorepati kehte kehte khud apne aap ko hi crorepati bana liya aur duniya ko choona laga diya..phir tumne Abhishek ko Bharat ki bholi-bhaali janta par chhod diya…usko baad 70 logoN ke sapno ki rani Aishwarya ko ghar le gayi..kitne dil tod diye..aur ab aaye ho ki baba log pooch nahin rahe hain, hyen?

AB: Baba, wo to bas ho gaya, buri sohbat mein pad gaya tha, baba. Aap ki sharan mein aaya hoon, baba, kuchh madad keejiye. Ab aap hi uddhaar kar sakte hain.

Baba: Hmmm…to sun. Saat somvaar subah saat baje Google ke blog par comment likh. Likh ke tu filmi duniya se sanyaas le raha hai…

AB: Baba?!

Baba: Shaant! Aathwein somwaar baba khud comment karenge ki tu sanyaas mat le, filmi duniya ko teri zaroorat hai. Tab to cancel kar dena. Baba ka haath tere sar par aa jayega, popularity apne aap badh jayegi.

AB: Baba! Baba aap mahaan hain! Baba ki jai…

Sanyasin 1 & 2: Android wale baba ki….

Bhakt crowd: JAI!!

Dear Supergirl

Dear Supergirl,

After much consideration, I have come to the conclusion that you are the only woman who can be the ideal girlfriend for me. Before you start shaking your head really fast and cause a tidal wave in the Atlantic, let me present to you the business case behind my conclusion.

1. All your crime-fighting activity keeps you super-fit (literally), so you will never ask me, "Do I look fat in this costume?" Thus nipping so many couple type fights in the bud.

2. Your world-saving activities will keep you pretty busy so I will have time to devote to my million and one projects and we'll never fall into the rut of ennui that most couples get stuck in.

3. Since I am a fairly good cook and you'd usually be in too much of a hurry to criticise my cooking we'll get along very well.

4. You will be too busy to have an affair and with your super-powers you can always keep an eye on me, hence we will be a perfectly faithful couple, avoiding another common pitfall of relationships.

5. As you will be flying us everywhere, we will never had the conversation, "Why don't you ask someone?", "I know where we are, honey?" Thus avoiding many bitter arguments.

6. By the same token, I will never need to criticise your driving and you will never be obliged to throw the car ashtray at me. I promise I will never say, "You fly like a girl!"

7. Since you already read my blog you have proven that you are internet-savvy and have good taste in reading material.

8. By analysing all your weak points that would prevent you from having a normal relationship and presenting them in a positive light, I have proven that I am the perfect man for you who can love you for who you are.

9. Since most criminals are becoming IT-smart these days, I can guide and help you when you need a real smart, techie person to hack those criminal codes for you.

10. Since I have a really smart sleep pattern, we can schedule our dates any time of day or night which would suit two super-busy individuals like you and me.

P.S. This is just a top-ten list. Let's have drinks this evening and I will fill you in on the rest.

Yours Sincerely
Sunny