Need for an Atheist Dictionary

Even though I don't say it very often because I don't like to offend people (hehe, just kidding, you know me by now!) but I am very much against organized religion. Some time in the future I will talk about what's wrong with it and why it makes my stomach turn but that'd be a long post and being a self-proclaimed lazyass I keep putting it off.

But right now in this (hopefully) short blog post I want to say that I see the need for an religious to  atheist dictionary which would help people like me in times of stress. Look at some of the expressions we use in a normal day.

Oh my God! (Or my version "Oh my fucking god!")

When the occasion calls for an exclamation the best I can do to protest the religious nature of this expression is to not capitalize the "god". When speaking I can't do that so I add the F-word as an adjective.

Jesus Christ!

Taking the Lord's name in vain is considered blasphemy so being anti-religion I enjoy using this one.


"God knows when ..."
"God willing I will be..."
"Go to Hell!"
"God bless you!"
"I swear to God, I will.."
"So help me God.."


You see a pattern?

Now what can an atheist use in situations that call for this kind of expressions? Hence, we need a dictionary that would contain the translations of these and all such expressions in the non-believer variety.

For example -

Oh my God! = Oh my non-existent god!
Go to Hell = Go to your imaginary hell!

I am thinking of getting a group (Read: Cult) together to start this project. Any volunteers?

Stupidity is God

Think about it:

It cannot be seen nor grasped but its presence can be felt everywhere.
It is immortal like Lord Krishna said in Bhagvadgita "Nainam chhindanti shastrani, nainam dehti paavakah.."
Weapons cannot kill it, and fire cannot burn it....
Also from the Gita - "You can only kill the stupid but the stupidity is never born and never dies."

Chacha Ghalib said long ago (and he was a wise man) - "AhamakoN ki kamee nahiN Ghalib, ek dhoondo hazaar milte haiN."
(No shortage of stupids, Ghalib, you search for one and you will find a thousand.)
That shows that stupids and stupidity is everywhere and isn't that what every religion teaches us - that God is everywhere?

Some people might argue that God created the world, well, do you think the entity who created Hitler, Mussolini, Kassab and so many others like them is an intelligent person? Come on now!

Omniscience - stupid people know everything! Just ask them!

Omnipresence - According to all religions God is in every single one of us. And we all have stupidity, to some degree or other.

Omnipotence - All engineers are busy in making things so simple and fool-proof that they cannot be misused or abused. Yes, along comes one stupid person and....

Need I say more?

Sindoor - A symbol of suhaag or slow poison

I feel like I must write this post. I just read Pooja's post this morning on the Jain religion. Most of it was okay, those are the normal kind of questions that would come into the head of any thinking adult once they grew up past the mass hypnosis of religion. But there was one part of it that horrified and disgusted me as I read it. 

Here is the link and an excerpt:
http://lotus-n-peacocks.blogspot.com/2011/11/rational-religion.html

"Recently I was reading a book on Hinduism and vedas, ya sometimes I pick up these books by mistake too, in which I was shocked to read about the tradition of applying sindoor. The main component of traditional sindoor is usually vermilion. A component considered to be toxic by nature.

As most of you must be aware that Hindu wives are expected to fill sindoor (for me it always looked like a stamp of being taken/sold/unavailable!) along the parting of their hair, thus applying it on the scalp (where the pores are most open), so as to let it seep inside slowly. It is a sacred and most prominent symbol of a Hindu married woman. Like I’ve said earlier, Vermilion is a toxic substance, you might now wonder why a Hindu married lady is made to apply if it is a known toxic, and well that’s the precise reason for making her do it. 

A female’s life span is comparatively longer than her male counterparts, as we all know, and that’s exactly why this practice was incorporated, to slowly poison the wife so that both the partners can die with each other, and for the ones who dint die a natural death, they were made out to be satis. (An abolished tradition of Hindu wives burning themselves alive on their husbands’ pyre).

Doesn't it sound like that applying sindoor is more like killing someone slowly and painlessly? Most of us are not even aware of the meaning of some traditional rituals that we are made to follow. We just do as we are told, as again asking for logic or questioning our age-old praths (religious ceremonies) is considered to be a taboo in most Hindu homes."

I did some research on the net and it was easy to find that she had her facts right. 

Here is an excerpt from Wikipedia: 

"Modern sindoor mainly uses vermilion, which is an orange-red pigment. Vermilion is the purified and powdered form of cinnabar, which is the chief form in which mercury sulfide naturally occurs. As with other compounds of mercury, sindoor is toxic and must be handled carefully. Sometimes, red lead (lead tetroxide, also known as minium) is also added to sindoor.^[8] Red lead is also toxic and a known carcinogen for laboratory animals, though its carcinogenicity to humans has not been established. Traditional sindoor was made with turmeric andalum or lime, or from other herbal ingredients.^[9] Unlike red lead and vermilion, these are not poisonous.^[9][10] In early 2008, allegations of high lead content led the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to recall batches of Sindoor from several manufacturers.^[11]"

^{And here is one from a site that sells vermilion:} 

"Some authorities consider natural cinnabar to be non-toxic. Anita Albus writes that the deadly poison of mercury becomes harmless when it is stably bound with sulfur. However, we consider cinnabar and vermilion to be toxic and urge caution in handling the dry powder pigment, as well as the pigment dispersed in medium."

Once I had grown up and understood the nature of religion, I have never been a fan of religion, but this makes me positively disgusted. This is one of the reasons I don't like organized religion. Most people are reasonable and reasonably smart, but when it comes to religion they turn into sheep. They stop thinking for themselves and they stop being their reasonable, sensible, kind self. How else would you justify the justified killing of innocent people in the name of religion by kind-hearted, good people who wouldn't even hurt a fly otherwise? 

Even if you publicise this fact and take a survey on how many loving husbands are willing to buck the tradition and stop their wives from using sindoor I think you would find that the number is not more than 2%. And 2% is just the exception you can find for any rule. 

Sometimes I wonder if Man was God's best creation or his folly!

Baba Ke VIP Bhakt

Scene: Baba Ka Darbar. Bhakt log are sitting. Two cute sanyasins flanking baba on either side assisting as bhakts come one by one and narrate their problems.

Sanyasin 1: Baba Sah Rukh Khan aaye hain aapki sharan mein.

Baba: Oh, Junior Amitab Bachchan? Haan, haan, bulao.

SRK: B…b..baba, p...p…p..pranam!

Baba: Abe pranaam bhi kistoN mein karega? Kabhi to passenger chhod kar express pakad liya kar.

SRK: B…b…baba, main samjha nahin.

Baba: Arre itna samajhdar hota toh kya Asoka jaisi filmein banata phirta? Chal khair kya samasya hai?

SRK: B..b..baba, meri filmein chal nahin rahi hain kuchh upaay batayein kaisi film banaoon?

Baba: Abe, Don ki copy tune kallee, Devdas tune bana lee, ab Maine Pyar Kiya ki copy kal_ley.

SRK: B..b..baba, ye aap kaise bol rahehain?

Sanyasin1: Baba ko Akshya Kumar syndrome hai.

Sanyasin2: Baba jab aavesh mein aa jaate hain toh Dilli-6 ki bhaasha mein baat karne lagte hain.

SRK:. Oh, par B…b…b…aba, main kya karoon jo meri film hit ho jaaye. Meri 4 filmein pit chuki hain.

Baba: Arre mere slow motion ke Dilip Kumar, jab tu 30 second ke dialogue ko ghaseet-ghaseet ke, ghaseet-ghaseet ke 3 minute mein bolega to public to bore ho hi jayegi na? Aur kaam nahin hai kya logoN ko?

SRK: T…t…t..toh kya karoon, Baba. Main aapki Sharan mein aaya hoon.

Baba: Theek hai. Apne Android phone mein ek app download kar…

SRK: Ba….ba, Android phone toh hai nahin.

Baba shouts: Arre bahar nikalo isko!

Two mustande sanyasi grab SRK by the arms.

SRK screams: Khareed loonga, baba, khareed loonga!

Baba signals. The sanyasi’s leave SRK.

Baba: App download kar, it’s called “Nana Patekar Speech Therapy.” Practice kar, speed level mein aa jayegi, phir movie bana aur aish kar.

SRK: J..j…jai ho baba ki!

Sanyasin1 & 2: Android wale baba ki…

Bhakt crowd: JAI!

Sanyasin 1: Baba, Amit ji aaye hain.

Baba: Haan bulao lamboo ko. Haan bhai, aa jao, wo naariyal ka ped hai dekho sir na lage, bachaakar aa jao.

AB(Read this in Kuldeep Dubey version of AB): Baba! Baba ki jai ho. Baba meri madad karein. Main badi mushkil mein hoon, baba. Meri popularity kam hoti ja rahi hai, koi film mein nahin le raha, baba.

Baba: Arre mere chalte phirte khajoor ke ped, pehle to tumne Kaun Banega Crorepati, Kaun Banega Crorepati kehte kehte khud apne aap ko hi crorepati bana liya aur duniya ko choona laga diya..phir tumne Abhishek ko Bharat ki bholi-bhaali janta par chhod diya…usko baad 70 logoN ke sapno ki rani Aishwarya ko ghar le gayi..kitne dil tod diye..aur ab aaye ho ki baba log pooch nahin rahe hain, hyen?

AB: Baba, wo to bas ho gaya, buri sohbat mein pad gaya tha, baba. Aap ki sharan mein aaya hoon, baba, kuchh madad keejiye. Ab aap hi uddhaar kar sakte hain.

Baba: Hmmm…to sun. Saat somvaar subah saat baje Google ke blog par comment likh. Likh ke tu filmi duniya se sanyaas le raha hai…

AB: Baba?!

Baba: Shaant! Aathwein somwaar baba khud comment karenge ki tu sanyaas mat le, filmi duniya ko teri zaroorat hai. Tab to cancel kar dena. Baba ka haath tere sar par aa jayega, popularity apne aap badh jayegi.

AB: Baba! Baba aap mahaan hain! Baba ki jai…

Sanyasin 1 & 2: Android wale baba ki….

Bhakt crowd: JAI!!

Android Waale Baba Ki...

Year: 2069 AD
Place: Baba Sunilanand ka ashram

Baba ke bhakt (more women than men) holographic ghaas par apne-apne PIACS (Personal Information And Communication System, much advanced and portable version of laptop) liye baithe hain. Aashram ki rooftop par badi si dish lagi hai. Wifi signal is strong. Kaune-kaune mein mobile charging points bane hue hain.

Baba ke aane ka sanket hota hai. Bhakt apne PIACS par jalte diyon aur agarbattiyon ka holographic display chaloo kar dete hain.

Baba Geruye rang ke suit mein andar se nikal kar aate hain...

"Baba, Sunilanand ki.."
Crowd shouts, "JAI!"

"Bolo Android waale baba ki..."
"JAI!!"

Somebody plays "Jai ho, ho, ho!" on his device. Kuchh yuvtiyan ek do thumke lagaati hain, then stop.

Baba aasan par sthaan grihan karte hain. Baba ke handsome, tejwaan chere ko dekhkar kuchh yuvtiyaan aah bharti hain. Baba ke kaan mein advanced bluetooth v51.0 ka handsfree laga hai. It can hook up with baba's mobile phone, read his email from his PC, connect to the Ashram PA system wirelessly and is thought-activated. Saath mein machchhar bhagaane ka kaam bhi karta hai.

Baba pravchan aarambh karte hain.

Baba uvaach:
"Bhakto, we are living in difficult times. Microsoft has announced 267th security breach in their operating system last night. We must keep patience. It will pass.

Bhakto, samay bada kathin hai, achchhe log kubudhi ka shikaar hokar apna maansik santulan kho rahe hain. Jis par Apple ki mahadasha chal rahi hai usse sirf Google hi bacha sakta hai.

Apne man mein Google ka jaap karo aur achche, sundar (baba looks at the front row which is full of beautiful bhaktins), vichaar rakho.

Ab question answer."


Ek bhakt aage aata hai, "Baba, naya PIACS liya hai, Windows ka kaun sa version install karoon?"

There's a gasp from the bhakts around him.

Baba uvaach, "Windows nahin, baalak, Google Chrome OS 17.3 install karo. Tumhara kalyaan hoga."

Another bhakt asks piteously, "Baba, MacBook Pro ek week mein teesri baar crash hua hai. Kuchh upaay bataayein, baba."

Baba nods solemnly, "Tum par Apple bhaari hai, beta. Chrome PIACS 5 mein invest karo. Sab theek ho jayega."

There is a commotion in the back. Some disciples come forward dragging another bhakt by the collar. They throw him down in front of Baba's aasan. His device is clutched defensively in his hands. It's showing a Microsoft logo on the screen.

"Baba, he had Windows Vistaria installed on his device!" They shout accusingly.

Baba raises his hand and looks up to the sky, "Forgive him, O divine Cloud, he does not know what he is doing."

There's a puff of smoke, 3.9 seconds later, when the smoke clears the Microsoft logo has been replaced by Google logo on the man's device. There's a collective gasp in the crowd.

The accusing disciples shout vehemently, "Baba ki..." "JAI!"

"Android waale baba ki..."
"JAI!!"

Baba smiles softly.

Baba stands, two bhaktins stand on either side of Baba, Aarti starts, "...Red, green aur yellow ki mahima jo koi gaave..."

Religious songs

I am not religious any more. I don't believe in the hocus-pocus and the myths that are fed to the unsuspected sheeple. I still believe in some kind of a superconsciousness but I don't care to name it or go to the temple to offer it bribes for my puny, worldly gains. I think that's absurd.

But I still like religious songs - well, some of them. You can't really expect me to like the jagran songs that they fashion out of Bollywood movies songs! More often than not they are based on frivolous and even vulgar film songs. It's ludicrous.

However, over the years there have been very good, fiilmy and non-filmy religious songs that I do enjoy listening to or singing along. I seriously don't believe that it's the goddess Saraswati impacting my mind, but I do like the music, the poetry and the vibe I get from singing along just because I like the song.

Here are some examples, not an exhaustive list, but I probably won't have too many to add to it. These are not in any particular order.

Ramchandra keh gaye siya - from Gopi. (Love it.)
Mere rom rom mein basne waale ram (Always liked it. Sagar also mentioned it in his comment. It's a great song but I have no idea which movie it comes from.)
Shirdi wale sai baba - Amar Akbar Anthony (I like watching the video of this too.)
Madeene wale se mera salaam kehna - Coolie (Amitabh's performance in this song..bas gajabay kar diye!)
Jingle Bells - (Yes this is a religious song. All Christmas carols)
Deck the halls - (My favourite Christmas carol)
Guni jano hey bhakt jano - (More comedy than reglious. Kishore Kumar is awesome in this.)
Darbar mein oopar wale ke - Hera Pheri (Also comedy but great song.)

As you can see, I don't care what religion they belong to as long as I enjoy the song.

My sentiments exactly

I doubt therefore I am!

Recently, I had to find the meaning of the word - agnostic. I knew at a generic, broad level that they were different in their belief system from atheists but I didn't know what their belief system actually was.

So as I say, I looked it up. And this is what I found out - an atheist goes right against the majority and says "There is NO God!". But the agnostic takes a big question mark and pastes it where everybody can see it and says "How the hell do you know if there is or there isn't, a God!".

Funny words aside, I believe in the quote, "Admire anyone who goes in the search of Truth, doubt anyone who claims to have found it."

Agnostics are right, there is not enough data to decide on this big question. For my money, I'd trust an agnostic sooner than a priest who leads me through a lot of mumbo-jumbo in order to "please" "God". I put those words in separate quotes for a reason. They  want you to believe that there is a God and this is the particular way of pleasing him. And you can't ask how they know this to be true...because that's questioning the faith.

This healthy curiosity, this capacity to doubt everything, that's what makes us an intelligent race.

I think I am going to convert - from an atheist to an agnostic!

What I AM reading

At the moment, I am reading this famous book by Robert Monroe called "Journeys Out of the Body". How is it?

1. Fascinating.!
2. Terrifying!


Yes, I know the two emotions don't really go hand in hand but that is because of the topic that he has written on. Being brought up in the open-minded Hindu culture (open minded not as in more tolerant than other religions but in the fact that Hindu mythology accepts the free movement of spirit independent of the body, before and after death, unlike some other religions that proclaim a kind of "safe storage" period after death), I am more readily willing (redundant on purpose) to accept Monroe's experiences at face value.

The topic itself is fascinating and terrifying, and Monroe's candid, matter-of-fact kind of reporting keeps both the emotions intact without losing anything in translation.

I am still reading it, as I am fascinated by the unexplored powers of the mind and some day I might gather enough courage to try it myself. Then I will write about my own experiences.

Peace of mind

I have been blamed again and again for writing thought-provoking posts.
This post might prove to be provoking also. (I do like to argue as my
readers (all 6 of them) know very well :) )

People say quite often, religious people, or
self-proclaimed-intellectuals-but-still-trapped-in-religion-people that
sitting in a temple gives them an unexplained, mysterious feeling of
peace. There is nothing mysterious about it, the feeling comes from the
expectation and the environment. The feeling of peace and tranquility
comes from within not from without. You can get the same feeling sitting
in a forest, on a riverbank, on a raft in the middle of the sea and when
you have learnt the real source of the feeling, you can have it in the
middle of a busy thoroughfare like Times Square.

As Basheer Badr has said,
Apna gham le ke kaheeN door na jaaya jaaye,
Ghar mein bikhari hui cheezoN ko sajaaya jaaye
[Let us not travel without with our sorrow, let us rearrange the things
strewn about in the house.]

The source of this peace and happiness is within us and we don't need to
take a single step to find it.

There are a lot of things that add to the feeling. Keertan is a popular
way of worship in Hinduism, music, songs, dance all brought together to
worship God. Other religions have similar practices, Islam the qawwali
and Chritianism their hymn-singing. It is the power of music that turns
your thought in a particular direction, it has nothing to do with God.
You can use anything to connect yourself to God and you can use the same
media to connect to anything.

Remember Hitler's songs of the Third Reich?

My point is that it's not neccessary to worship God in any one way or
any particular style.

Ghar se masjid hai bahut door chalo yoon kar lein,
Kisi rote hue bachche ko hansaya jaaye.
[The mosque is very far from home lets do this instead, help a crying
child to find his smile again.]

I seriously dislike the people who think themselves righteous and God's
favorite because they "go to church every Sunday", there are similar
equivalents in all religions, people who spend 4 hours in keertan every
week or perform namaaz 5 times a day. They are all fine practices, IF it
does not give you a superiority complex. I have met people who have the
holier-than-thou attitude because they have a direct hotline to God and
a suite reserved in heaven. On the other hand, rarely, but I have met
people, who serve God and humanity equally and as part of their very
being rather than as a habit or an attempt to earn brownie points with
the Big Guy.

I like Osho because he does not use any of the gimmicks and he does not
do anything that is supposedly mysterious or unexplained. His discourses
are not accompanied by music or background sounds. His langauge, tone
and style is not professional. He never raises his voice like a
professional speaker and he definitely is not an orator. Still, when he
talks, people listen. Simply because what he says makes sense. In
answering a question from someone about going to the temple he explains
at length why the person himself is the source of all that is good and
pure, even though all the religions preach otherwise. Osho finishes with,
"The day you understand this one thing, you will not go to the temple,
you will BE the temple."
["Phir tum mandir nahin jaaoge, tum khud mandir ho jaaoge.]