Every Step Counts

"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop." -Confucius

I had a teacher who was very fond of saying "Rome wasn't built in a day."  They are comforting words when you feel like you are standing still while the world is rushing around you, everybody is achieving, things, becoming successful, getting ahead in life while you are...getting left behind. 

When you feel like that, think about the wisdom from Confucius. In a world where speed seems to be the ultimate measure of success, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. We are constantly bombarded with messages urging us to move faster, achieve more, and never settle. It’s in this high-speed chase that ' timeless words offer a different approach, a different mindset. 

This quote is a gentle reminder that progress isn’t always about speed. It’s about persistence and the determination to keep moving forward, no matter how slow the pace might seem. There’s a certain beauty in this perspective, one that values steady effort over frantic haste.

Think about it - how many times have you felt pressured to rush through tasks, only to end up making mistakes or feeling burnt out? The speed is NOT the sign of success, persistence is. It’s okay to take your time, to move at a pace that feels right for you. The key is not to stop, to keep pushing forward even if your steps are small.

Life is full of challenges and setbacks, but adopting a mindset of steady progress can make these obstacles feel less daunting. When you accept that it’s okay to move slowly, you give yourself the grace to navigate difficulties without the added pressure of unrealistic expectations.

Why did the Sunny cross the road?

 "Sunny, why do you spend all your money on travelling?"

Ah, that's a good one! I get asked this a lot by my friends, and every time my answer is pretty much the same - because travelling is life, mate! Seriously, think about it. We're here on this planet for, what, eighty-odd years if we're lucky? Why wouldn't you want to see as much of it as possible?

The Thrill of the Unknown

Travelling is like being a kid again. Remember the excitement of exploring new places, not knowing what's around the corner? That's what every trip feels like. Whether it's the chaotic streets of Bangkok or the tranquil fjords of Norway, there's always something unexpected waiting to blow you away. And let's be honest, life's too short for boring routine!

It's More Than Just Sightseeing

Sure, ticking off famous landmarks is great, but travelling is more about the experiences. It's about getting lost in a new city, trying food you can't pronounce, and meeting people who show you that there's more than one way to live this life. I mean, I've had my best conversations with strangers in tiny cafés and shared meals with families who didn't speak a word of English. It's those moments that stick with you, not the selfies in front of monuments. Sitting down on the floor in an airport halfway around the world to charge your dying phone is as much of an experience as walking in slush in falling snow in Salzburg to visit a Christmas market. I have done both and look back at them as fond memories. 

Growth and Perspective

Travel has this sneaky way of changing you. You start seeing things differently, appreciating the small stuff. Like, I used to stress over the smallest things, but after you've navigated a foreign country where you can't read the signs or understand the language, everything else seems manageable. Plus, it makes you realise how much we all have in common, no matter where we're from.

Depend on the Kindness of Strangers

A quote I read in a hotel room wall in Vienna has become my favourite travel quote - "Travel is hard; it makes us depend on the kindness of strangers." This is so true! When you're out of your comfort zone, you learn to trust and rely on people more. And you know what? Most of the time, people are genuinely kind and helpful. It's a humbling experience and reminds you that despite all the bad news we hear, there's a lot of good in the world.

Why I Blow My Savings on It

People often say I’m crazy for spending all my savings on travel. But think about it – money can always be earned back. Time? Not so much. When I'm old and grey, I want to look back and remember the adventures, the people, and the places, not the stuff I bought or the bills I paid. Plus, every trip is an investment in myself. It’s like adding layers to who I am, each place, each experience making me a better, more rounded person.

This is Living the Life

I get so many stories from my travels, some good, some of trouble, but all of them dear to me, especially after the fact. Travelling adds a lot more experience to my life than just doing the 9-5 existence. 

The Final Truth

So yeah, that's why I do it. Travelling isn't just a hobby; it's a way of life. It’s challenging, exhilarating, and incredibly rewarding. It's about growing, learning, and embracing the unknown. So next time you see me packing my bags, know that it's because I'm off to find the next great adventure. Life's too short to just live and die in one little corner of the world, I think. What do you think? 

The Double-edged Sword of Social Media

Social media has become this beast like keeping a tiger as a pet, it's cool, it's fun, but if things get out of hand....you are dinner! Social media is now an integral part of our lives, influencing how we communicate, consume information, and interact with the world. While it has numerous benefits, such as connecting people and fostering communities, it also presents significant challenges. 

What you must love

1. Connecting People Globally: Social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter have bridged geographical gaps, allowing people to stay connected with friends and family worldwide. This global connectivity fosters cultural exchange and understanding, making the world feel smaller and more accessible.

2. Information and Awareness: Social media is a powerful tool for disseminating information rapidly. It plays a crucial role in raising awareness about social issues, mobilising support for causes, and providing real-time updates during emergencies. Movements like #BlackLivesMatter and #MeToo gained momentum through social media, highlighting its potential for driving social change.

3. Business and Marketing: For businesses, social media offers an unparalleled platform for marketing and brand engagement. Companies can reach their target audience more effectively, engage with customers, and build brand loyalty. Small businesses, in particular, benefit from the cost-effective advertising opportunities provided by social media.

What you can't avoid

1. Mental Health Concerns: Prolonged use of social media can lead to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and loneliness. The constant comparison with others’ seemingly perfect lives can create feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. It's essential to recognise these signs and take breaks when needed.

2. Spread of Misinformation: One of the significant challenges of social media is the rapid spread of misinformation and fake news. This can lead to confusion, panic, and even harm, as seen during the COVID-19 pandemic. It's crucial to verify the information from credible sources before sharing it.

3. Privacy Issues: Social media platforms often require users to share personal information, which can be misused. Privacy concerns are prevalent, with data breaches and misuse of personal data becoming increasingly common. Users must be vigilant about their privacy settings and the information they share online.

Try to tame the tiger

1. Set Boundaries: Limit your screen time and set specific times for checking social media. This helps prevent addiction and ensures you have time for offline activities.

2. Curate Your Feed: Follow accounts that inspire and uplift you. Unfollow or mute accounts that cause stress or negativity. Your social media experience should be positive and enriching.

3. Verify Information: Always fact-check information before sharing it. Use credible sources and be wary of sensationalist headlines.

4. Engage Positively: Use social media to connect with loved ones, join communities that interest you, and support causes you care about. Positive engagement can enhance your social media experience.

5. Protect Your Privacy: Regularly review your privacy settings and be mindful of the personal information you share. Use strong passwords and enable two-factor authentication.

Social media is a double-edged sword, offering immense benefits while posing significant challenges. By being mindful of its impact on our mental health, verifying information, and protecting our privacy, we can harness its power for good. Let's embrace the positive aspects of social media, connect with others meaningfully, and use it as a tool for personal growth and social change.

Age should be respected, or...?

Just watched this deleted scene from Dear Zindagi. I can totally see why it was deleted. In a land where age is an automatic sign for wisdom and a demand draft for respect, this kind of scene with such hard-hitting dialogue will never be tolerated. 

Watch this scene and answer one simple question - Would you side with Alia in this scenario or would you shake your head with a disappointing look and mutter "Aaj kal ke bachche"? 

Source:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gkoxn6Nyijk

What resolution is your life?

I have been fortunate enough to live through a period of world history in which technology has gone from a child's play to science fiction level. I have seen the time when mobile phones didn't use to exist and to now when there is one in everyone's pocket. Every year there there are many new models and they fight over features like dogs over a bone. One feature that is usually hotly contested is the camera. Let's forget about the point what is a camera doing in something called a phone and just talk about the state of the art. 

The most popular part of the camera and its improved features is resolution. A quick sidebar to explain - every digital photo is made up of tiny dots which are called pixels. Resolution is just the notation to show how many of these pixels are there in a photo taken by a particular digital camera (phone camera or DSLR). For example 1920x1080 which is lovingly called Full HD or 1080p means that the photo has 1920 dots widthwise and 1080 dots along the height. The more pixels there are the smoother and "higher definition" the photo will be. 

While this is the most publicised metric in a camera, people argue that that's not the best or only measure of quality. There is camera sensor size, image processing software, the glass (a fancy way of saying lens) and a few other things that contribute to the quality of a photo. But I want to ask what is the "quality" of a photo? 

Exhibit A: look at this photo below. 

This photo was taken in the 1990s before google was a verb and youtube was not even in its mother's womb. The "three moustacheers" in the photo are Harry, Fazil and yours truly. This was a time in our life when we had finished high school (we went to the same school) and were doing college. We were trying to find our place in the world and searching for our guiding star. From this search we used to take time, maybe once or twice a week, to go on an evening walk to this park about 2 miles from our homes. 

Obviously, you can see how "bad" the photo is. It was taken on a film camera, degraded over time and then scanned into the computer. [Kudos to my nephew Sagar for preserving and emailing it to me.] 

Exhibit B: This is a picture from a Matheran trip (a 'hill' station in Maharashtra, India) with Bhuwnesh and his family. Bhuwnesh and I became friends in US out of necessity because we were the new people there and all the other Indian colleagues were already settled in their lives. Plus, we got along well despite being very different in personality. That's the reason we stayed in touch no matter how many times he or I changed cities and countries. 

This photo was taken in 2006 from an Olympus camera which was 1.3mega pixels. Don't laugh, that's the best I had then.  

I also have a lot of photos which are taken with good cameras in high resolution but don't mean half as much to me. 

Let's take an exception, exhibit C, taken in 2020: 

This is a high resolution photo taken with a proper DSLR last year. Given the condition the world was in when my nephew Sagar married his girlfriend Harsha, I had no chance to go to attend their wedding in Canada. Had it not been for the technology I could not have watched their wedding ceremony on a  video call and I would not have been able to see their smiling faces in the lovely photos. 

My point is not that "Old is always good". My point is that it's not the resolution in the camera that matters, it's the resolution of your life that matters. Surround yourself with people who enrich your life, guide your mind to thoughts that add meaning to your life and make sure that your actions and words enrich other people's life. That's the resolution that matters the most. 

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness. Not!

[Photo courtesy Cottonbro at Pexels.com]

There was a very popular example that my parents, teachers and other grown-up's used to overuse when I was a boy. "Even the dog wags its to tail to clean its spot before sitting down." Every single grown up used to love this example.  Any sign of laziness or untidiness spotted, and they would whip this out like the cowboy in the wild west whips out his six-shooter. 

If I were as much of a smartass then as I am now, I would have said "Yes, he does but he also runs around naked all day and drinks from the toilet. Will you please choose my role models more carefully, mom?" 

But I wasn't. But now I am. So, here I am to prove that cleanliness is NOT next to godliness, it's quite the opposite. Dirtiness is the godliness. What happens when a clean thing and a dirty thing come in contact? Who wins? The dirty. One rotten apple can ruin the whole basket but one good apple can't make a rotten apple good. What's more powerful?

And dirtiness is indestructible? When you are "cleaning" things, you are not cleaning anything, you are just transferring dirtiness from one place to another. Think of any activity where you are cleaning something, you will realise that you are making something else dirty. Dusting? You dirty the duster. You wash the duster. You make the water dirty that you wash it with. There is a whole cycle of dirtiness that's unbreakable and unescapable. Dirtiness like the soul is indestructible. "Nainam chhindanti shastrani..." Weapons cannot kill it and fire cannot burn it. 

What is the dirtiest topic in the world? Sex. But without it the human race could not survive or propagate. So, dirtiness is essential in this world. 

I hope I have made you feel better about not doing any cleaning this Easter weekend. 

Blowing Your Own Horn

 Some things are so obviously good or bad that they become universally accepted as such. Like humility. 

In the Hindu epic Mahabharat there is an instance when Yudhishthir, eldest of the five brothers, tells his younger brother Arjun (who is the basically the hero of the whole piece) to put down his bow called Gaandeev (yes, they had names for all their bows, these superarchers) in the heat of the battle. Later Arjun is in distress because he had taken a vow to kill anyone who tells him to put his bow down. (Don't ask me why.)  

Lord Krishna who is friend, philosopher and guide to the five brothers comes to the rescue and tells Arjun to speak rudely to the elder brother because to use the word "thou" to an elder is equivalent to killing him. Ok, so that's what Arjun does. But then he wants to kill himself because he spoke rudely to his elder brother. Again, Krishna pitches in with great advice. He tells Arjun to praise himself because according to the Hindu scriptures he who praises himself is as good as dead. Crisis averted. 

This is how bad self-praise is in the Hindu culture. But then look at the Urdu culture. In Urdu poetry, a ghazal is not considered good poetry if it contains an element of "khud-shanaasi" which means self-praise. 

For years, this is what I used to deal from. But while it is good to have a modest, self-effacing outlook in life, (it's crucial for stand-up comedy), it doesn't go so hot in job interviews. I can't tell you how many job opportunities I have missed because I answered the questions from a realistic and more modest mindset. It took me a while but I finally understood that when I used a modesty scale to assess and portray myself in front of potential employers, my humility got transferred to them as fear that I would not match up with their requirement. Once I understood the problem, it was easy to implement the solution. I simply started answering the same questions with 110% confidence instead of my original dose of 80%. 

The moral of the story is - not everything is good and bad in clear contrast, you need to apply a grain of intelligence even before using a concept as inherently good as humility. 

The Time That Spends Us

"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." - Anais Nin

I have this movie I watch once every month. It's a Hindi movie called "Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani", translation "The craziness of youth" Youth as in the period of youth in life, not a young person. 

Yes, you did read it right, I watch it once every month. I have seen it more times than I can count. Why? No, it's not like one of those "It's a wonderful life" kind of movie that's a ritual for the world to watch. It's a purely commercial movie about a boy and a girl (aren't they all?). The basic premise is extremely simple - he wants to travel the world and do everything in one life, she wants a simple life. Of course, they fall in love, but at different times. 

Spoilers below if you haven't seen the movie but it came out in 2013 so you have had 8 years. 

There are many reasons to watch this movie so many times but one of the important ones is that every time I watch it, I see different things in it. Now spoilers. In the end, the hero decides to stay in India in order to marry the girl. I never agreed with that decision. I even have my favourite shot where I would end the movie if I were the director. No, I don't turn it off there, I still watch it fully every time. But I always think he's wrong. Ambition over marriage? Ha! Until now. Five seconds before starting this post I was thinking about this dialogue that he says to her when he's proposing. 

"Beet_ta waqt hai lekin kharch hum hote hain. Aur isse pehle ki main poora kharch ho jaoun, tere saath thoda waqt bitana chahta hoon."

[Translation: We don't spend the time, the time spends us. And before my balance runs out I want to spend some of that time with you. ]

Suddenly today it made sense to me. Spending time with a loved one can take precedence over travelling, job and even a lifelong dream. I still don't know if I agree with him but at least now I can see his viewpoint. 

"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." The movie is always the same, every scene, every shot, every camera angle. That doesn't change. The reason I see different things in it every time is because I change. 

Do you have a loop movie that you watch as many times as possible? I can't be the only crazy person in this world. 

Change is not the enemy

Change is the only thing constant in life. 

Not a novel thought but what I want to talk about is the type of change. As I see it, change is basically of two types - voluntary and involuntary. 

Let's take an example from the Marvel Cinematic Universe (I mean, why not?). It used to puzzle me that sometimes when Dr. Bruce Banner turns into the Hulk he is the machine of mass destruction. Then other times he is working side by side with the Avengers like they all went to the same high school and ate lunch at the nerds table for years. What gives? 

Thanks to the internet where you can find everything from a tiramisu recipe to the way to properly groom your dog, I found that Hulk's behaviour depends on the trigger that caused him to transform from Banner to Hulk. If he did it himself he was the well-behaved model citizen, but if something, usually an act of violence, forced him into becoming the Hulk then he could be mean as your mother-in-law after you tell her that her thanksgiving turkey was a bit dry. 

We may not have been exposed to a truckload of gamma radiation in our lives (I don't know about you, but I wasn't. In case, you are reading, Dr. Banner) but our response towards change is very similar. Maybe it's the old teacher in me or I just know how much you like examples but I feel like giving you an example. 

Take this case of old Timmy (Or John, or Dave, or Raj) whose girlfriend dumps him. That throws him into a pit of depression which takes a while to fix even after copious amounts of junk food and help from good friends. But if this same rascal dumped his girlfriend, he won't feel so sad. He might pretend to be upset about it, if he is a decent person, but he really won't be that sad. 

Similarly, if a person leaves a job to start his business or just change cities or whatever, they take it in their stride even if things are quite hard for a while. In contrast, if they get fired from the job, they don't like that so much. 

The main reason for the difference in our response, I think, is from anticipation and preparation. And, the sense of being in control. When you do something that brings a change in your life, even if it is a tough situation,  you are prepared for it and mentally ready to face the consequences. But if something is done to you which brings about the change in your life, it's a shock that you have to first absorb before you can deal with the actual, physical consequences. 

Sometimes the change that is "done to us" is not really so bad. That's where the expressions like "blessing in disguise", "silver lining" and "look on the bright side" come into play. Sometimes a change can be a mix of the two types like getting married. You decided to get married, that's what you "did" and then all the future changes are "done" to you by her will. Happy married life. 

My conclusion is that if we can keep this in mind that change is change no matter what type of trigger it had, maybe it will help us bounce back faster and deal with the change better. 

Having said that, how do you like the new layout of the blog? ;-) 

Digital Detox - Digital Wellbeing

Saturday afternoon, on the long Easter weekend suddenly I realised I was spending way too much time on social media viz. Facebook and Whatsapp and more than that it was in meaningless, pointless activities. The main test of everything is how it makes you feel or how it makes your life better. This was making me feel stressed and angry AND it was not making my life better in any way.

Following from that logic, I could see the next action clearly. I closed the browser windows that had Facebook open, closed the Chrome app called Whatschrome which I use for interacting with Whatsapp messages on my computer, and uninstalled Whatsapp from my phone. Also uninstalled FB messenger from the phone.

By no means was I planning to make all this permanent, but I felt like the long weekend would be a good test to try it out and see how I felt.

The logic behind this is that if I feel the need to share something I could blog about it. If it was not important enough to warrant a blog post then it was not important enough to share. If I felt the need to read something, I have many books, both paper and electronic, in my reading list.

I also had interesting assignment work to do for my Uni assignments and there's always office work to catch up on if you really feel bored.

Now, what, you ask, was the result? The result was amazing. I never like those Ted talks or web articles where people say things like "I gave up social media and became a millionaire!" or "How I got my life back from social media." Well, you know the kind of things I mean.

I have always maintained that Facebook is not the problem, social media is not the problem, your habits are the problem. You can do whatever you want, nobody is forcing you, you have to take control. But remember that quote "The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken." My habits were getting to that point. Thankfully, I have a very stubborn personality.

Speaking of stubborn, a few hours after I closed Facebook I started getting notifications on my phone about things my friends had posted. Not things about me, not a photo of me, just things general things they had posted so that I would go and look at Facebook again. So, I had to uninstall Facebook.  I had already turned off all notifications from it but it was still doing it which I considered evil behaviour.

This was a weekend and a weekend during Coronavirus lockdown so I didn't have any obligation to be productive, but I still was. Productive, and creative. The increase in focus was phenomenal. Yes, I did feel the withdrawal, but as I said, strong, stubborn personality.

I had many, many thoughts that I wanted to post about on FB, but each time I asked - why? And each time the answer was, it doesn't matter. Another quote I love "Nothing matters very much. Very few things matter at all."

For communication, I still had my email. All my family and all my close friends have my phone number so I was available for emergencies.

Now, where do we go from here?

During these 3 days I wrote, I read, I watched movies, I did my homework, even did some office work. And I felt a physical lessening of mental stress. Like, seriously. I shit you not.

It follows that this is a good idea, just that this was an extreme case. I will need Whatsapp to talk to family, friends and classmates. I will even need FB to communicate with some friends or read my friends' updates. But it all doesn't have to be in a constant stream. I can and will regulate it keep it to the point where I don't have to silence 3 different devices before sitting down to meditate.

Google makes an app called Digital Wellbeing that helps you monitor and regulate your social media habits. I have just installed it and I am going to use it to control my social media as well as communications patterns.
Here is a link if you would like to try it as well:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.google.android.apps.wellbeing&hl=en_GB

Maybe I will report back in a couple of weeks to say how much it has helped me if it does.

Tonight, I am still enjoying the freedom. Tomorrow morning I will check back on Facebook and reinstall Whatsapp.

Have you ever felt the need to distance yourself from your digital habits? Would love to hear your thoughts. 

The Bliss of Cubana

How many moments do you have in your life when you actually have that feeling of "bliss"? When you know you are happy and nothing exists outside of that moment?

I have had a few in my life and if you just muttered "Lucky duck!" you are absolutely right. One recent moment that I want to share with you happened a couple of months ago in "Cubana".

In case you don't know it, Cubana is a Tapas Bar in Sheffield. This is where I used to go for my dance classes. I learnt to dance salsa there, and also learnt to dance Kizomba. At one point it became such an integral part of my life that I could not imagine a Tuesday night without Kizomba at Cubana. If I started driving from my home without thinking about it, my car would drive to Cubana on autopilot!

Of course, I must give part of the credit to my dance teacher Richard Chongtham who taught the classes and DJ'ed the after-class socials. The Cubana provided a nice backdrop but Richard made it come alive with his classes and his music. The lovely people populating the dance floor helped a lot as well!

So, the moment. This was one of these Tuesday nights when I was there after the class enjoying the social. At this precise moment, I was plopped down on one of the sofas like it was own my living room and watching the dancers dance. I had had some dances already and I knew I would have some more soon. There were my lovely friends around me and my favourite DJ was playing Kizomba music (Shhh..don't tell Richard, he gets airs!)



At that moment if you had asked me to rank my life on the happiness scale, I would have put it at precisely 100%.

Now, Cubana and RCDance (Richard's company) are changing it up. Cubana will do something different on Tuesday nights and Richard will hold his classes someplace else. Nothing lasts forever in this ever changing world.

But I have the memories of the wonderful moments, that one and a lot more moments in Cubana. So, thanks to the Cubana management (they are genuinely nice people) and thanks to Richard. And, of course, to my dance family!



Here's to the moments of bliss and the people who contribute to them!

6 Lessons I Learnt From 9/11

Whether I like it or not on this day I am reminded of that day. I was in US, in Philadelphia, working in an American company. The news came as it happened and we watched as the horrific events unfolded. It was not a good day for humanity and I know it shook everybody's faith for a moment.

From the events of the 9/11 and the aftermath, I have a learnt a few lessons that I'd like to share with you.

1. Life is short, don't get stuck in trivial stuff.

2. We got through it as humans, we can get through anything with each other's help.

3. The best thing we can do is to be kind to others at every opportunity we get.

4. Things can always get worse, but that would be no life to live in the fear of that. Be thankful for what we have and be strong to face what we must.

5. Love and kindness should not be reserved for those related to you or close to you. There are so many stories from ground zero that show the value of kindness and compassion wherever it is needed.

6. Even horrors at this level cannot kill our humanity. We went on, and we will carry on.

Peace!

The Circle of Obvious Advice

I used to make fun of my dad for giving the same advice every time I travelled. I mean, come on, I was 'mature', I was not a kid anymore. For God's sake, I was going to another country for a professional job! How much more responsible and adult could I get?

But no, he would give the same advice every single time "Go carefully. Keep everything secure. Passports, visa, do you have your ticket?" etc. etc.

And today when two of my young friends are travelling from India across the globe I am so anxious to give the same advice "Do you have your passport? Visa? It will be crowded on the airport, don't drop anything. Be careful while taking photos. Have you packed your warm clothes?"

Very annoying, right? They are young only compared to me but they are mature and smart people in their own right. They are quite capable of taking care of themselves and bright enough to make their way for their success.

But this urge, this need to give the most obvious advice doesn't come from a logical place it's more of an emotional need. We say those things because we care about the person even if we they don't need that advice. When someone says "drive safe" it's not like you'd have driven into a telephone pole without their advice, it's that they care about you and would like to see you safe and happy.

All that preamble to say "Bon voyage" to my friends Harsha and Sagar! Take care, guys!

Safe paths and happy trails! 

Poem: Living in the moment

Poem: Living in the moment
by: Sunny Goswami

My life is made up of moments
I must live in each moment
and let it go as it passes.
I must die at the end of each moment
to be reborn in the next.

My sorrow and happiness
are all in the moment.

My joys are all here
with me, in the moment
I don't wait for them
I don't plan them
I don't anticipate them.

My happiness is not a star
on the calendar
It's a beat in my chest
it's the butterflies in my gut.
It's quickening of my pulse.

So, is my sorrow, of the moment.
I must absorb the pain
as wholeheartedly as the joy,
I must allow it to soak through my soul
and colour me in its colour
the dark red of agony
the blue of despair
the grey of loneliness.

I must drown in the deep pool of sadness
for that moment
And let it go as the moment passes.
To be open to the next moment
with whatever it brings.

What Means Christmas - Vlog Episode 3

I don't want you to miss out the cute stories so I am posting the link below:

You can't keep a good man down

I  am watching Gotham on Netflix these days. In small increments as it is a stressful show. Last week I got to the point where they assign the protagonist, Detective Jim Gordon, to the Arkham asylum. This is quite a step down for him - hard job, physical danger, and a disgraceful assignment.

But even then I was not much worried about it because I knew he would come back to his normal beat soon. And he did. He never stopped doing his best work even at that terrible job and he gave it his all even at the risk of his own health and life. Soon, he made his way back to his normal position in Homicide.

Thinking about it later, I realised that this is a common trend. Even when our beloved hero is in dire straits we never despair. When he's captured by his enemies, when he's under fire from his boss or being beaten up by goons we always know he will bounce back, maybe not in the next frame or next scene but ultimately he will.

If we know this about him, why don't we know this about us? We also go through difficult phases in life when it seems so bleak that we despair for ourselves. And we let it get us down. Why don't we have that same faith in ourselves - that in the TV serial of our life, we may be down now but in one episode or two, we will come back again. We will rise back to our previous glory and work our way up from there.

Because, be it cinema or life, you can't keep a good man (or woman) down.

Peace.

Joss Whedon is my personal therapist

Well, it's not like I go lie down on his couch and tell him about my childhood once a week. But when I do have issues, and not always filmmaking-related issues, his words give me solace.

I watched one of his interviews where he was talking about his feelings regarding the cancellation of Firefly. His words, as best as I can remember them:
"It's like losing an arm, you learn to tie your shoes with the left hand but the pain of loss never goes away."

Not saying that made me feel better but it did give me comfort, not just about the loss of Firefly but many other losses in life as well.

Then last night I was watching a Q&A session that he had at the Oxford Union on YouTube and someone asked him  how he feels when his ideas are not supported, or he is forced to change something because the studio wants it that way, or something doesn't get delivered the way he envisaged it.

"Rage!" He replied "Endless rage! And it never goes away either. I can take you through my career, 25 years of rage!" Although he smiled when he said that I could totally understand where he was coming from.

And again it gave me much comfort considering how I had been feeling since my last project. I am a tiny player in the vast world of show business, so if the great Joss Whedon has this rage from his previous projects, it's perfectly understandable for a mere mortal like me to have the same frustrations when things don't go my way despite best efforts.

To be honest, it made me feel good that Joss Whedon and I share the same frustrations and rage even if on radically different scales.

In the climax fight of "Avengers" Dr. Bruce Banner says to Tony Stark "That's my secret!" while he's becoming the Hulk "I am always angry!"

Joss had shared in an interview that he realized that that was him. It was him that was always angry and he could see himself in the character of Hulk that he was writing. I get it now. Totally.

So, I don't need to find a therapist, I just need to watch more Joss interviews.

Peace!

What I learnt from my father

I learnt a lot from my father. Some things he taught me consciously, some he taught me by example which he didn't know he was teaching me and some he taught me that even I didn't know I was learning!

But learn I did!

My father was a simple man! If I have to define him in one word it would be that. He had no pretensions, no delusions that he was a very wise man with a lot to teach, no, nothing like that. He simply was!

Much of his life was spent in earning a livelihood for himself and then later in life for his family. This he did with remarkable success. I say remarkable not because he left us a business empire but because of the distance he covered in his life. He started as modestly as anyone could, at the age of 10. And he learnt and improved himself and made a life for himself. And for us - me, my mother and my siblings.

I will try to keep this brief as I have so much I can put in here that it will become a book. In fact, I did at one time decide to write a book about him. I was not diligent enough. Even before that, when I was just a boy I had started collecting quotes, things that he just said, but sounded like pearls of wisdom to me.

They still hold true today.

Simplicity is very powerful. This I learnt from his example. My life and desires are not as simple as he kept his but nevertheless the learning is there, rooted deep in my mind. Simple, is beautiful!

I can describe his life philosophy in this couplet from poet Rahimdas.

रहिमन इतना दीजिये जामें कुटुंब समाय
मैं भी भूखा न रहूँ साधू न भूखा जाय

[God, give me as much in which my family should be covered.
May I not stay hungry, and may I not need to turn away hungry a beggar (saadhu, fakir, saint, sanyasi) who comes to my door.]


I learnt from him the strength of truth. No matter how poor or weak a man may be, if he has truth on his side nobody can touch him.

That was his word and that was his life. I have seen him turn down material temptations that any other man would jump at, with no effort, without even considering them as temptations.

I learnt that money has a purpose. I always saw him care about money only insomuch as it was his livelihood and the daily bread for his family. He never ran after money, never compromised his principles, never compromised his family life for money.

Quality is important in everything you do. That lesson he taught me without saying anything. But everything he did, he put all of himself into it. Anything less than perfect quality was never even a consideration for him. It was always achieved by the sweat of his brow but he did the hard work as a matter of course, nary a complaint on his lips. Ever.

There are many, many other things that I learnt from him.

To this day, I often pause and think "What would dad think if I did this?" and it guides my choice.


It has been 6 years. Today.

The Value of a Gift

I like to give useful gifts. Something that the recipient can use and employ in their job or hobby. So flowers are out, at least on their own, no show pieces, and not even clothes, they get worn and torn. It has to be something useful and durable that will remind the recipient of me for a while.

So, what are these things in the picture? They are two little figurines given to me as a gift by my niece Santosh on one of my birthday. They are two little matching angels. I don't remember how long I have had them or which birthday she gave them or even my other kids were in on the gift or not. They would remember better.

What I do remember is that I either still lived in India at that time or had recently moved to the UK. Santosh was not married at that time and now she's married and has her own little daughter who goes to school. So, a long time ago. Considering that I have been living in the UK for last 10 years, they are at least 7-8 years old in my possession.

In the 10 years I have moved several times within the UK. Every time I move, they move with me (obviously) and they are the one of the first things I unpack when I get to a new place. And they always end up in front of my telly. My telly may sit on a table, a desk or a dresser but they always end up on that piece of furniture in front of the telly.

Sometimes one of them would fall down and I would pick it up. Sometimes a wing may bend and I will pull it straight. But other than that they have lasted the test of time.

Every time I look at them, every single time, they remind me of Santo and my other kids!

So what's the moral of the story? The moral is not for you but for me, "The value of a gift is what it means to the receiver, not the general world."

Yes, I do love my kids! 

This Christmas...don't be a wanker

This post is PG13 - Strong language, violent outbursts, sexual references.

During lunch break today, I went into Boots in Trinity centre. As I was walking in the entrance I could not help but notice the long queue. I looked up and it

led to a counter with the sign "Please Pay Here". I walked in further cautiously and noticed the queue stretching to worrying proportions. By the time I reached

the end of the queue I had made up my mind "I will come back later." I only wanted some vitamin C with Zinc tablets. Not worth spending lunch break in Boots.

While I was walking back a store assistant came from the other side pushing a high cart full of merchandise. I moved aside to let her

pass and was able to witness the interaction between her and the guy on the other side who was standing in the queue. He was an

able-bodied, middle-aged man, holding only one or two small items in his hands. And the girl was a small, young girl maybe 19, if that. Based on the fragments of sentences and the facial expressions I could get this is how the exchange went.

Middle-aged bloke, angrily "Excucse me! Can they not open another counter or something?"
Girl, meekly "I don't know but I will ask, sir."
Middle-aged bloke, with a visual snarl "Would be worthwhile asking, wouldn't it? "

I looked back as I stepped in the aisle again and the look on his face was of pure hatred as if that store girl was responsible for all the problems in his life! I looked to the girl and she looked like somebody had just taken a shot at her! This man had just spoiled her day for her!

Knowing it was useless to say anything I kept my mouth shut and walked away but in my mind I was thinking "You miserable fucking sod! So you have to stand 10 minutes extra in a queu e during the busiest shopping season of the year at the busiest time of the day to buy a gift for someone, so what? What the fuck would you achieve by buying someone a £50 gift? What does it matter if it were a £500 pound gift? If you can't actually spread goodwill and cheer among your fellow humans does it matter if you buy all the gifts in the world for your family?

And that, in case you didn't know, is my problem with Christmas. It's too commercial, it's too themed, it's too narrow.

The message from uncle Sunny is - you may be a great gift-giver and a very generous friend, father or business associate but if you can't be nice to people you are still a wanker!