Thinking of my father

As a personal preference I am not a big fan of overly personal or sentimental posts on a public blog. But my blog is an expression of myself so it would not be right if I insulate it from my feelings altogether.

So without going into too much detail I just want to use this space to remember my father who passed away 16th of May last year. Of course, I miss him and always will but instead of feeling sorry for myself I want to mention a few things that give me comfort when I think of him.

He was an amazing man. In so many ways! And it gives me comfort to remember that I realized this while he was alive and I let him know how much I admired and loved him!

Much as a huge shock it was to me and rest of the family that he passed away very suddenly, it is a comfort to think that he didn't suffer. He was a very self-reliant man and never wanted to be dependent on others. And he was self-reliant to his last moment. I think that's how he would have wanted it.

He lived a full life, with a full, flourishing, loving family. His sons were with him in his last moment.

In Indian culture it is said that the first teacher is the mother and second teacher the father. He fulfilled that responsibility amazingly well. Almost everything I know I have learnt from him directly or indirectly.

He was a strict disciplinarian but a very loving father as well.

I find it comforting that I made him proud of me, and arguably, in my siblings I was his favourite.

He left a gap in my life that cannot be filled. But I find comfort in the thought that wherever he is, he is always with me!

Truth be told

Why? why do parents ruin their kids' life, or try, by teaching them things they can't use in life. For example, how many parents try to teach their children to "Always tell the truth!" It's good to always tell the truth, and it's bad to tell a lie - just like that, in black and white.

Why? Why do we do it? When we know perfectly well, that we don't tell the truth all the time ourselves. Do we? If you say you do, that's just another lie.

There is a character named Yudhishthir in Indian (Hindu) mythology, who is reported to be always truthful. Always. But even he, in the mega-war of Mahabharatha had to lie once to gain a strategic advantage. Then there is Lord Krishna who had no such reputation and used anything he could to his advantage. Truth, half-truths, white lies, a blend of truth and lie, he used what he could, based on the situation. But he advocated to his followers, "Do as I say, not as I do!". Fair enough!

There is a book called the Bhagvadgita that is Lord Krishna's discourse in the battleground and provides a kind of code of conduct for the perfect man. It's an excellent book, has been quoted extensively, the principles and ideas are so great that they form a path to enlightenment. Yet, this book, leaves room for 6 occasions to lie. Yes, there are 6 occasions when you may lie without committing a sin.

Still, we want our kids to supersede all of the legendary characters throughout history and be a saint to end all saints. And do they? No! Almost all children learn to lie by the time they learn to speak, if not before.

So what is it that we are gaining by trying to teach them to do something that we ourselves have not been able to do, nobody ever has been able to do, and is not a really prudent course of action in today's society anyway.

So, to recap, parents teach their children something that is impossible and at the same time not useful.

Will it not be more useful, maybe not idealistic but useful, to teach them the difference between truth and different kind of lies? Actually, I wouldn't mind teaching my kids (if and when...) how to lie successfully! It's a skill like other skills and comes in handy. There are a few professions that require good liars (I bet you can name a few), but in today's society, almost all professions need that as an auxilary skill.

Indiscriminate, unnecessary, constant lying will of course be impractical and stupid but the same goes for trying to tell the truth all the time.

In conclusion: There are sooktis (two-liners) in Sanskrit on such topics, one of them says, "If you have to choose between true words and kind words, be kind!"

On my blog, I welcome comments, discussion, debate, even healthy criticism. For this post though, I'd put the same restriction that Christ used, "He who has never told a lie in his life, be the first to say that I am talking through my hat!".

Cheers! :-)