This Christmas...don't be a wanker

This post is PG13 - Strong language, violent outbursts, sexual references.

During lunch break today, I went into Boots in Trinity centre. As I was walking in the entrance I could not help but notice the long queue. I looked up and it

led to a counter with the sign "Please Pay Here". I walked in further cautiously and noticed the queue stretching to worrying proportions. By the time I reached

the end of the queue I had made up my mind "I will come back later." I only wanted some vitamin C with Zinc tablets. Not worth spending lunch break in Boots.

While I was walking back a store assistant came from the other side pushing a high cart full of merchandise. I moved aside to let her

pass and was able to witness the interaction between her and the guy on the other side who was standing in the queue. He was an

able-bodied, middle-aged man, holding only one or two small items in his hands. And the girl was a small, young girl maybe 19, if that. Based on the fragments of sentences and the facial expressions I could get this is how the exchange went.

Middle-aged bloke, angrily "Excucse me! Can they not open another counter or something?"
Girl, meekly "I don't know but I will ask, sir."
Middle-aged bloke, with a visual snarl "Would be worthwhile asking, wouldn't it? "

I looked back as I stepped in the aisle again and the look on his face was of pure hatred as if that store girl was responsible for all the problems in his life! I looked to the girl and she looked like somebody had just taken a shot at her! This man had just spoiled her day for her!

Knowing it was useless to say anything I kept my mouth shut and walked away but in my mind I was thinking "You miserable fucking sod! So you have to stand 10 minutes extra in a queu e during the busiest shopping season of the year at the busiest time of the day to buy a gift for someone, so what? What the fuck would you achieve by buying someone a £50 gift? What does it matter if it were a £500 pound gift? If you can't actually spread goodwill and cheer among your fellow humans does it matter if you buy all the gifts in the world for your family?

And that, in case you didn't know, is my problem with Christmas. It's too commercial, it's too themed, it's too narrow.

The message from uncle Sunny is - you may be a great gift-giver and a very generous friend, father or business associate but if you can't be nice to people you are still a wanker! 

Hypocrisy vs. Diplomacy

I have always prided myself that I am quite 'frank'. Frank to the point of being blunt. If I don't like something I say so. If I like something I say so emphatically! But even I cannot be 100% frank, 100% of the time. There are times when being honest and truthful goes against common sense. The most basic of instincts in Man, actually in all animals, is the instinct for self-preservation. That's why when dad asks, "Did you break the window?", the child's head is already shaking in negative even before the question is finished, never mind the truth!

Then there are times when speaking the blunt truth will hurt somebody's feelings.

So, when someone is reading you a poem that he, (or worse still, his girlfriend) wrote, you are in a pickle. Do you want to say, "Nice!" or do you want to say, "Man, she sucks!"? Of course, there is that theory about finding one thing to praise and ignore the bad. In this case that'd leave you the option to say, "Yellow paper, huh? Very nice!"

Enters diplomacy! The art of saying things you don't mean and saying things in a way that hurts the least. Or sometimes just not saying anything!

Examples:

"A diplomat always remembers a woman's birthday but never her age!"

"Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock."

"Diplomacy is thinking twice before saying nothing."

"A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house."

The long and short of it is that sometimes to get a favor, sometimes to be polite, to avoid hurting feelings, to save ourselves, to avoid expense...for various reasons, we find it necessary to be diplomatic.

Then what is hypocrisy? Not saying what you are thinking? Or saying the opposite of what you are thinking?

I have seen people who when they are talking to someone are all sugar and saccharine and just as the other person walks away they turn to me and say, "Oh, I hate that guy!" And I am thinking, 'What will he/she say when I walk away?'

I myself try to be diplomatic without being hypocritic. My friends know which one of them I like and how much. What habits of theirs I find interesting and which I hate. Sometimes I find it a fine line to walk. "When in doubt, tell the truth." I like to tell the truth but at the same time not try to hurt feelings. This second part I am still working on. :-)

One good thing about being frank is that people know where they stand with you and vice versa. A line of praise coming from me would mean something. A criticism from me would not be to just hurt their feelings. And because I speak bluntly they know I can take it when they need to speak freely with me.

According to Emerson:

"Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing."

I agree. And it is fun to see that astonishment!

I would like to end with a scene I find funny, it's a classic and I always think of it when someone says anything about being frank.

This is from the classic movie Wayne's World 2. Kim Basinger and Dana Carvey are sitting on the couch.

Kim says, "I am going to be frank!"

He replies, "O..kay! Can I still be Garth?"

Makes me laugh even to think about it.

The Blue Billion

Today I was reminded of another difference between western countries and India.

When I am in the UK and I hold the door open for someone coming up behind me, I hear a "Thank you" as a matter of routine.

When I am in India, I still follow the same practice of holding the door open for the person behind me or to let the person on the other side of the glass door enter first. I know very well, that I will not hear any kind of thanks here, but subconsiously maybe, I half-expect it. Of course, it has never happened so far.

Doesn't matter if the place is frequented by men, women, businessman, rich people, software engineers, doctors, students or any other educated breed, expect the same behavior.

Now we are over 1 Billion in population. And somehow, despite everything, we seem to be quite proud of the fact.

But today it made me think.

Are we a nation of One Billion mannerless, inconsiderate, horn-honking, cricket-crazy, work-shirking idiots?