The Rolling Stones

It's a nice book by Robert my-favorite-sci-fi-author Heinlein. What he does best is create a fiction and have it connected, and I mean very well connected with reality. In this one he has explained the title and the philosophy on the last-but-one page in Hazel Stone's words -

"The race has been doing it for all time. The dull ones stay home - the bright ones stir around and try to see what trouble they can dig up."

I'd like to be in the second category. I'd very much like to be a rolling stone.

Pencilled Memories

Ok, I am at work. I pick up a pencil from the desk. Now, I am a software tester and my work consists of a glorious routine where I log out and log in to many computers, and so it happens that as I am waiting for the machine to come up again, I pick up this pencil and I have time to pick up a sharpner to sharpen the pencil. But then I realize I will have to stand up and walk up to the trash bin to actually sharpen a pencil that I don't need. So, like the lazyass that I am I put down the pencil.

But it reminds me of desk sharpners that have a bin to collect the peelings. That in turn, reminds me of battery-operated sharpners that I have always been fascinated by. That reminds me of the first and last battery-operated pencil sharpner that I bought. More than 2 years ago, when I was going to appear for my CSTE exams. (Just a geeky certification exam for software QA professionals).

Those exams are subjective as well as objective, and writing long answers in pencil means the need to sharpen them between answers. So, smart as I am, I bought that automatic sharpner to gain an edge. My girlfriend, who was supporting me in my mission, had an even better idea, she suggested that I take 20 pencils, all pre-sharpned and use them.

So, that's what I did. (Who can say no to a girl who gets hold of an idea?). Even though I looked like a freak with a pencil-fetish, carrying a pencil box choke-full of sharpened pencils, I did gain at least 20 minutes on the others who had to stop every few minutes to sharpen pencils (with manual sharpners), and 20 minutes for me means 20 more minutes for me to think up fancy crap to please the examiners.

The moral? "God is in the details!". Little things make for big differences!

Stop waiting

....if I sleep now, I'll have 5 hours of sleep.....if I fall asleep now, I will still have 4 hours of sleep....if I could fall asleep now, I'll have 3 hours of sleep...

Have you had nights like that? I have! You desperately want to sleep and yet for some reason, being too excited, too worried, sometimes too tired, to sleep. Or maybe not tired enough, not sleepy enough, not relaxed enough. You try and try but it doesn't work, you just lie there waiting..and wishing...

There's a parallel to that in life. We are always waiting for something that's just around the corner and is going to make our lives so much happier. Or happy.

Once I turn sixteen...once this pay raise kicks in...when I have that new phone...after I receive my new, fast PC...when we go on that vacation...once I reach India...

Funny enough most of these things that we wait and wish for do come true, okay, not all of them, but quite a lot. Surprisingly though, they do not bring the everlasting joy that they seemed to represent. What happened? There are many reasons. Sometimes our expectations were so high that the actual event could not fulfill them. Sometimes, the thing, the event, the person is very very good, but still we miss something in him/her/it, but mostly, by the time we get that wish, we already have a few more that we want to come true.

Long time back I read a quote that stayed in my mind, "We never live, but kill time in the hope of living.".

This hope of living stays alive but usually stays a hope and nothing more...

To add another quote, "Death is more universal than life; everybody dies, but not everybody lives."

So what is the solution? Well, I am no expert in the art of living but I definitely am a student and most things in my philosopy come back to the same principle, "Live in the moment". Don't stop wishing, wanting, creating, getting, but don't make life wait on your wishes. If you look in this moment, you will find a lot to be happy about. Once you learn to squeeze the joy out of every moment, you'll be surprised to realize how little it takes to make you really happy. Sometimes, after I finish a meal I sit there with the rest of the Diet Coke in my glass and sip it slowly, watching TV and as I sit back enjoying the perfectly chilled Coke with 2 ice cubes, my feet up on a chair...I feel, "This is life!". None of these things are extraordinary and yet, that's how little it takes to be happy if you want to be.

I'll end with Leo Tolstoy's famous quote, "If you want to be happy, be!".

We are all myrtyrs

जब दर्द नहीं था सीने में,
तब ख़ाक मज़ा था जीने में,
अब के शायद हम भी रोयें,
सावन के महीने में.

[Jab Dard nahin tha seene meiN,
Tab khaak maza tha jeene meiN,
Ab ke shaayad ham bhi royeiN,
Saawan ke maheene meiN. ]

Literally translated it means:
When there was no pain in the heart,
There was no fun in living,
Maybe this year I will also cry,
In the month of rain.

Yes, yes, rain is not a month, I know, but that's how the song is worded. Actually the word "Saawan" is the name of a lunar month and it coincides with July-August, bringing rain. Unlike western culture, rain is considered a romantic and welcome thing in Indian culture. So, rain reminds one of his/her mate and that in some situations brings sorrow. But this poet is actually looking forward to that seasonbecause now there is pain in his heart. Makes sense? No!

Even though, like a normal person, I have been in and out of love for like a million times, childhood crushes, teenage crushes, love affairs et. al. (I wonder if it can be called a love-affair if the girl doesn't know that you have a pair of binoculars trained on her window?), yet, there was a period in my life when I had none of these. Listening to a sad song on the radio, I realized that even the most recent romantic loss was not so recent that I could think of it with any sorrow. To my surprise, I found myself missing that feeling of missing someone. Not having someone to miss was also an emptyness just as much as not having someone to love. Idiotic, right?

Well, not really, otherwise old Bill wouldn't have said, "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!"

Pain and sorrow are as much part of our build-up as happiness. To tell you the truth most people feel safer and more secure in sorrow than in happiness. How many people do you know who are always happy and never complain about anything in their life? I don't know any. Including myself.

Of course, there is always something to complain about. Most of the pain or problems are real but some are imaginary also. But we really don't want to do away with all problems. What we want most, even more than solutions, is for the world (meaning our friends and loved ones and any strangers we meet) to recognize these problems and admire our strength and courage to continue living under such hardships.

Hari Shankar Parsai has written a short story about two very close friends, who share a room, and one night start talking about their horrible lives, they are really in bad shape, and struggling through life with each other's support. But when they start comparing misfortunes, it ends up in a bad fight. According to each one, he only has his sorrow, nothing else left in his life and the other one is trying to take that away from him.

I have done that myself, not written a short story but comparing of misfortunes and troubles. I have stopped doing that now, at least consciously.

But that positive thinking apart, there are things in life that make you sad. Real problems, real losses that can't be helped. Think about it, a dark room, and you, alone with your thoughts, thinking about that one thing that made you sad, perhaps shedding a well-deserved tear...no, I can't say that all sorrow is bad. It is what makes us human!

That's just my opinion and I ain't no enlightened soul. What do you think? Maybe I am talking through my hat?

What I AM reading

At the moment, I am reading this famous book by Robert Monroe called "Journeys Out of the Body". How is it?

1. Fascinating.!
2. Terrifying!


Yes, I know the two emotions don't really go hand in hand but that is because of the topic that he has written on. Being brought up in the open-minded Hindu culture (open minded not as in more tolerant than other religions but in the fact that Hindu mythology accepts the free movement of spirit independent of the body, before and after death, unlike some other religions that proclaim a kind of "safe storage" period after death), I am more readily willing (redundant on purpose) to accept Monroe's experiences at face value.

The topic itself is fascinating and terrifying, and Monroe's candid, matter-of-fact kind of reporting keeps both the emotions intact without losing anything in translation.

I am still reading it, as I am fascinated by the unexplored powers of the mind and some day I might gather enough courage to try it myself. Then I will write about my own experiences.

Buying shoes

So, here I am in Town Center on Friday afternoon, during lunch break, finished with the money-withdrawl that I had come for and too early to take the company bus back, looking around I see a shoe shop with big discounts - Shu-Time. I am thinking why not see if they have a decent pair for tonight's fundraiser function. I am the host for the Singles Auction and it might be a good idea to buy a pair of shoes that will match the formal trousers rather than the sports shoes that I wear for everything.

I go in, look around and find a few styles that I like. I wait for the shop-girl to come and offer her help and then I ask my standard question, "Is it genuine leather?". I don't buy leather. She assures me that the 3 pairs I like are all synthetic leather. So, I pick up the one I like the most and start trying it on. While I am pulling the shoe on, she asks if I am Jain. I tell her "No, I just don't like animals to be killed for my fashion!"

At the counter, there is another girl, she also looks Asian, it is confirmed when they start talking in Punjabi together, reverting to English everytime they talk to me. Don't I look Indian myself? Anyway, when the older one hands me the receipt and apologizes that she can't give me the credit card slip due to printer problem, I say, "Chalega!". They both look at my face and burst out laughing!

I leave the shop and find that I can't walk to the bus pick-up point, as the rain is coming down harder now. So I walk in the protection offered by shop balconies and look for an umbrella that I have neglected to buy for 3 months. My search for an umbrella takes me back past the shoe shop into Princess Square. I enter Burton's and ask a salesgirl if they carry men's umbrellas. She says yes and I am just turning around to follow her when I see the younger girl from Shu-Time, Gunjan, standing behind me, panting.

She explains that the older girl told her that the shoes I bought are actually leather. She saw me in the square again so she came running after me. If I would come with her she would exchange them. I was already wearing the shoes in rainy weather, but she said it's ok.

Both the girls apologised like a thousand times, and I assured them it's alright. They helped me pick out another pair, formal looking and cheaper. And you know what, more comfortable in walking with a thicker sole.

Now, isn't that nice of the girl to take pains to protect my principles? I had already told her it's not a religious thing, just my personal choice. She could have just shrugged and dismissed the matter from her mind with an "Oh well!", but she didn't. Sometimes people prove themselves worth the term "human".