Need for an Atheist Dictionary

Even though I don't say it very often because I don't like to offend people (hehe, just kidding, you know me by now!) but I am very much against organized religion. Some time in the future I will talk about what's wrong with it and why it makes my stomach turn but that'd be a long post and being a self-proclaimed lazyass I keep putting it off.

But right now in this (hopefully) short blog post I want to say that I see the need for an religious to  atheist dictionary which would help people like me in times of stress. Look at some of the expressions we use in a normal day.

Oh my God! (Or my version "Oh my fucking god!")

When the occasion calls for an exclamation the best I can do to protest the religious nature of this expression is to not capitalize the "god". When speaking I can't do that so I add the F-word as an adjective.

Jesus Christ!

Taking the Lord's name in vain is considered blasphemy so being anti-religion I enjoy using this one.


"God knows when ..."
"God willing I will be..."
"Go to Hell!"
"God bless you!"
"I swear to God, I will.."
"So help me God.."


You see a pattern?

Now what can an atheist use in situations that call for this kind of expressions? Hence, we need a dictionary that would contain the translations of these and all such expressions in the non-believer variety.

For example -

Oh my God! = Oh my non-existent god!
Go to Hell = Go to your imaginary hell!

I am thinking of getting a group (Read: Cult) together to start this project. Any volunteers?

Samsung Galaxy Note vs. iPhone - Street Challenge

This particular Samsung ad has pissed off a lot of Apple fanbois so I feel like I must post it. Make sure you read the comments from fanbois below the video, they are hilarious. I laughed out loud when I read how they were badmouthing the poor girl for not knowing that the iPhone could do these things, what these idiots forgot was that no iPhone ever came out a stylus so it definitely canNOT do any of those things. Enjoy. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2gjn12QS9I

Shut up about Lokpal already!

Indian people need to shut the fuck up...about corruption!

What was it that Jesus said - "He who is without sin shall cast the first stone!" or something like that.

Lately there has been a lot of discussion and shooting of mouth about corruption what with the Lokpal bill and Anna Hazare's movement and everything. It surprises me how little common sense is there in the world and how otherwise sensible people can be idiots. Yes, I am going to say "idiots" because I am pissed off right now.

Let me ask you something, you, who is sooo dead-set against corruption and cannot curse the corrupt politicians enough..who do you think you are?

When you are stopped by a policeman on the road, why do you say "Sir dekh lo kuchh ho sakta ho to.." instead of simply paying a challan like an "honest" citizen should? You don't even want to go to court and challenge it because you'll have to take a day off work. It's much simpler and easier to slip a 50 Rs. note to the constable on duty with your driving licence and be on your way.

When you need a ration card, do you go and stand in the queue for half a day or you pay an "agent" to deliver it conveniently to your house?

When you got your driving licence, did you really take the tests or did you "ensure" that you passed?

When a family member is sick and you have a chance to bypass the queues because the nurse on duty lives down the street from you, do you NOT take it because it would be unfair to others?

When you get a parking challan, do you go and pay it or do you find a way to "get it settled"?

When you have to pay "donation" to the private school to get your child admitted do you think even for a minute NOT to do it because it's corrupt and admit your kid to the government school?

When you buy something expensive do you waive the receipt because it'd mean paying 2% sales tax if you took the bill?

Have you ever lied on your expense account to the company?

Is your income tax statement 100% accurate?

Then who the hell gave you the right to talk about other people's corruption? 

The politicians are blamed because they are caught, and they do it in such horrendously large amounts but isn't that the only difference between you and them? A small thief and a big thief? They are both thieves and you know it.

So what is it? What is this big devotion to the Lokpal or any anti-corruption movement? Isn't it you trying to quiet your conscience about your own corruption by pointing fingers at the bigger thieves?

What I am saying is that it MIGHT be possible to find an honest policeman in India but it would be next to IMPOSSIBLE to find an honest member of the public!

I have no knowledge of the Indian politics, never did, never will, but if Anna Hazare is a politician, I would doubt IMMENSELY that he is without reproach. It just means that he hid it well.

And what would happen if the Lokpal bill was passed? Do you think it's LEGAL now for cops to take a bribe? Tell me in which department it is legally allowed to take a bribe and then tell me in which department bribe system is not in place!

Do I need to list out the activities that are 100% against the law and still each one of them flourishes in every city in India? Prohibition only drives the activity underground and drives the price up. Corruption is already underground, so what do you think will happen when one bill is passed?

In a country where a corrupt politician can get out by bribing the right people, it is absolutely stupid to pin so many hopes to a piece of legislation.

The law doesn't fix a problem, the culture does, at present we have a culture of corruption and it's not going away any time soon. So wake up and shut up!

'nuff said. 

Top 10 Characteristics of an iCrap owner

Top 10 Characteristics of an iCrap owner

1. The last time you took a risk was when you were 2 and tried to stand up by pulling yourself up to the couch.

2. When you need to make a choice, you look at others to see what they are doing then follow suit.

3. Technology scares you.

4. You start frothing at the mouth when you see someone coming towards you holding an Android phone.

5. The words iPhone-Killer give you nightmares and you wake up in cold sweat during the night.

6. You are quite happy for other people to make your choices for you.

7. You pray to Steve Jobs in private and hope that he will bless you with "Flash" some day.

8. Logic and reason are not your strong points.

9. You no longer take offence at being called "sheeple".

10. You consider it a privilege to be made to buy inferior technlogy at a higher price because you think it's "cool".

Ipad2 - Anything worth buying is worth queuing for?

Somebody I work with just shared that they queued up for a couple of hours to buy the new ipad2. I mean how stupid can you get? This same person wouldn't be able to use all the features even of an ipad and wouldn't know what they are missing even after paying a premium for the brand name.

It sometimes pisses me off and sometimes amuses me how people buy Apple's iCrap simply because it's considered the cool thing to possess. They don't have the need for it and certainly not the knowledge to make an informed decision but just the craving to be seen with the "cool" gadgets. LOL.

And Apple controls them like sheep. Advertising heavily for each product, carefully planning a staggered release of features, and reducing the number of devices released each cycle, Apple is able to not only make they buy this crap but also feel privileged to waste money on it.

And now some ipad jokes to amuse you.


Steve, I’ma let you finish, but Moses had the greatest tablet announcement of all time.


Apple is makin a new version iPad with bells on it,they say its for the christmas period…

Marriages are made in heaven?

Warning: If you have a reason to believe in the sanctity of the institution of marriage, do not read this post. If you still read this post after this warning and take offence, you cannot sue me!

So, with that said let’s get into it. But first a couple of sentences to explain why I said that. In the past, other than jokes and videos, I have always tried to post things that boggle my mind or that I think would make you think. And while doing this I have always tried to be nice and considerate. Now I have run out of all those topics. Now, I am going to start pissing people off by saying what I want to say and to hell with the world. Yes, I said “hell”.

“Marriages are made in heaven!”, you must have heard that about a million times already. But in reality, the only people who believe in that fall in two categories – one, whose livelihood depends on marriages, a ready example is the religious contractors – the priests of all religions. In the other category falls the poor sap who doesn’t want to say “…because the condom broke!” so he chants, “Marriages are made in heaven.”

What happens to this heavenly marriage when he’s working extra hours at the office, just so he doesn’t have to go home and she’s stocking up on vodka to keep herself sane? No, if marriages were made in heaven, the happiest people would be married couples. But we all know the reality.

I say, God doesn’t want people to get married. And I have evidence to prove that. People are born single. And they die alone. If God wanted people to be married he’d arrange things so that it would be clear who’s going to marry whom. People would be born with numbers or birth marks or something. He’s omnipotent, he can do it! But he doesn’t. If he wanted people to stay married he’d pick up both husband and wife at the same time and not leave their bereaved partner behind.

My question is – if marriages are made in heaven, then divorces, extra-marital affairs and unhappy marriages, where are these made? In some place between heaven and hell?

If marriages were made in heaven, divorce lawyers would starve.