Saturday, March 26, 2011

Baba Ke Glamorous Bhakt

Baba ko to aap log jaante hi hain. Baba ka darbar laga hua hai. Baba pravchan kar chuke hain. Bhakt log darshan ko aa rahe hain..koi sirf aashirvad lene aata hai to koi apni samasya lekar matlab se aata hai. Baba sabka ud_dhaar karte hain.


Sanyasin 1: Baba, Rakhi aayi hai.


Baba: Balike, tum to jaanti ho hamare ashram mein sirf yahi ek tyohaar hai jiska naam lena verjit hai. Valentine's day ki baat karo, Diwali ka naam lo, Rakhi ko chhod do.


Sanyasin 1: Nahin baba, Rakhi Sawant.


Baba ka aasan dol jaata hai.


Baba: Balikao, saare joote-chappal chhupa do, phir usko baad unko bulaao.


Sanyasin 2: Kyon baba, ye kya joote churati hain?


Baba: Arre hamein churaane ki nahin, chalaane ki chinta hai, balike. Tumhe kya lagta hai ye apne talent se famous hui hai?


Rakhi Sawant Enters.


Rakhi: Baba ki jai ho. Baba aap mahaan hain. Aap kamaal hain. Aap ke jaisa koi nahin, meri mummy bhi kehti hai...


Baba: Balike, ijjat dekar ijjat utaarne waale tumhare style se hum parichit hai..mudde ki baat par aao..


Rakhi: Baba, mera last show ekdum flop ho gaya, baba. Main kya karoon mera talent kum hota jaa raha hai, baba, kuchh upaay bataa_iye na.


Baba: Hmmm..Google ki sharan mein jaao. Search karo - "Delhi Police Online Training", jitni nayi aur karaari gaaliyan milengi sab tumhare agle reality show me kaam aagyengi.


Rakhi: Wah baba, aap to kamaal hain. Lekin ek aur problem hai baba.


Baba: Abhi aur bhi? Khair bolo.


Rakhi: Baba, naye show ke liye naya producer bhi chahiye.


Baba: Haan ye to samasya hai, jisne tumhen ek baar dekh liya wo to dobara haath lagayega nahin.


Rakhi (hurt): Baba!?


Baba: Baba se nakhra mat karo, baalike, baba tumhari aukaat jaante hain. Hmmm, aisa karo, Bollywood ke Apple store mein jao aur aisa customer search karo jisne pichchhle ek saal mein iPod, iPad aur iPhone teeno ko naya version khareeda ho. Usse zyada akal ka andha aur neeyat ka ganda banda tumhen nahin milega. Wohi tumhara show produce karega.


Rakhi: Wah baba, you are too good. Baba ki jai..


Sanyasin 1: Android waale baba ki...


Bhakt crowd: JAI!!


Baba: Jai-jaikar chhodo balike, aur aashram ka shuddhikaran karo.


Sanyasin 1 and 2: Jee baba!


Baba starts bhajan..."Ramchandra keh gaye siya se, aisa kalyug aayega..hans chugega daana dunka, hans chugega dana dunka, kauwa moti khaayega...he ji re..."


Sanyasins join in: "hans chugega daana dunka, kauwa moti khayega..."


Baba (still singing):
suno siya kaljug mein, kaala dhan aur kaale man honge
kaale man honge
chor uchchakke nagar seth
aur prabhu bhakt nirdhan honge
nirdhan honge
jo hoga lobhi aur bhogi
jo hoga lobhi aur bhogi
wo jogi kehlayega
hans chugega dana dunka
hans chugega dana dunka
kauwa moti khayega



Crowd joins the sanyasins in chorus: "hans chugega daana dunka, kauwa moti khayega..."


Sanyasin 1: Baba, Mallika aayi hain.


Baba: Mallika_on ka raaj chala gaya balike, ab to Miss India_on ka raaj hai.


Sanyasin giggles: Nahin baba, Mallika Sherawat. Then to Sanyasin 2 in a whisper, "Baba ka general knowledge poor nahin hai?"


Sanaysin 2 (in whisper): General knowledge ki baat nahin, baba ka taste better hai.


Baba: Arre aaj subah-subah kiska munh dekh liya.


Sanyasin 2: Baba, aaj to jab aap uthe to TV par Clinton ka interview aa raha tha...


Baba: Uff, tabhi to...khair bulao inhen bhi.


Mallika Sherawat enter amidst whistles from male bhakts.


Mallika touches Baba's knee: Baba ki jai ho.


Baba: Arre hamein kya Emraan Hashmi samjhaa hai baalike, wahin se baat karo.


Mallika (pouting): Baa..ba!


Baba: Balike, yahi tumhara ekmatra talent hai, isse vyarth kharch na karo. Kaho kya samasya hai? 


Mallika: Baba, meri to kai problems hain?


Baba: Ek-ek karke pitaara kholo. 


Mallika: Baba, mere dress designer ko koi nayi inspiration nahin aati, main heroine hoon, mujhe nayi nayi glamorous dresses mein dikhna zaroori hai. 


Baba: Balike, uska qasoor nahin hai. Jitne chhote kapde tum pehanti ho usme usne jitnee variety dee hai wo kamaal hai, isse zyada chhote karega toh ander ho jayega. 


Mallika: Oh, baba, aap bhi bas...baba, mere producer bhi bade limited ho gaye hain. Sab ghuma-phira ke wohi limited scene dete hain...kissing-dance, kissing-dance isse aage kuchh bhi nahin. (pouts)


Baba: Isse aage badhega to public ke joote khayega. 


Mallika: Toh main kya karoon, Baba?


Baba: Bollywood reet sada chali aayi, bhaanti-bhaanti se gund phailaai. Jiski film mein line khatam ho jaati hai wo music video se gund phailaata hai. Tum bhi music video banaao. 


Mallika: Wah, baba, what a great idea! 


Baba starts singing: 
mandir soona soona hoga
bhari rahengi madhushaala madhushaala
pita ke sang sang bhari sabha mein
nachengi ghar ki baala ghar ki baala
kaisa kanya daan pita hi
kaisa kanya daan pita hi
kanya ka dhan khaayega
hans chugega dana dunka
hans chugega dana dunka
kauwa moti khayega


Sanyasins join in the chorus: "hans chugega dana dunka, hans chugega dana dunka, kauwa moti khayega"


Baba: "he ji re he ji re he"


Mallika: Baba, baba, bas ek aur last problem. 


Baba: Bako. Haan, matlab bolo, kanya. 


Mallika: Baba, meri popularity badhaane ke liye kya karoon, taaki main phir se number 1 bun jaaoon?


Baba: Android per apne dance ki app launch karwao, popularity raatoN-raat badh jaayegi. 


Mallika: Wah baba, you are great! Baba ki jai...


Sayasins: "Android waale baba ki..."


Bhakt crowd: "JAI!!"


[Bhakt toh aur bhi hain par samay seemit hai..aaj itna hi.]

10 comments:

Always Happy said...

hehehe...I like Baba aur Mallika ka rendezvous better than Rakhi and Baba's rendezvous.

Hilarious!! You are too good to come up with this. This can be a good script for Comedy circus you know. Copyright hai na Baba aapke paas??

Sunil Goswami said...

Hehe, apni apni pasand. As long as it made you smile, Baba khush hue.

Thank you. Copyright ki koi problem nahin. Baba ki pahunch bahut ooper tak hai, remember?

Always Happy said...

Baba Prasann hue?? Jai ho baba aapki.

Baba suna hai Bachan Bahu aapke ashram mein aana chahthi hai next. Aapki tho ssarey bollywood mein charcha hai baba.

Sunil Goswami said...

Shhh...ander khabrein bahar mat nikaalo, balike!

Sagar Goswami said...

Baba aage ke kya plans hein? Kya aap bhi Ramdev baba ki tarah politics pe kataksh karoge?

IRFANUDDIN said...

hhmmmmmmmm... main do-teen din off line kyaa hua saari sundariyan aap ke sharan me aa gayin Baba..... any ways, never mind....:D

enjoyed the read.... BTW you are quick in putting suggestions into Black n White here....superb. i can expect Bachan Bahu soon into ur ashram....but be careful... the junior Bachan is very possessive about her....:P

Sunil Goswami said...

@Sagar - Politics ko toh Baba politicians ke liye rehne dete hain. Haan kai politicians zaroor baba ki sharan mein aate hain, tab dekha jayega.

@Irfan ji, thank you. I am glad you liked the post. As for the speed, I write only when I get inspiration. I am not a professional writer who can write great stuff whenever they want. I have wait the spark. In this case, the first part came to me very quickly, but I had to wait a couple of days for the second part. Par Baba bhakton ko kabhi niraash nahin karte..hehe.

Bachchan Bahu ki kahaani bhi waqt hone par aam ho hi jaayegi. ;)

Red Handed said...

Lol.. Mallika and Baba convo was too good,
Pwahhaaaaaa... Android Baba ki jai!!
Witty!!!

Sunil Goswami said...

Thank you, Red Handed. I am glad you enjoyed it. :)

Anonymous said...

nice

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