Home? Where is home?
"Musafir hoon yaaro, na ghar hai na thikana,
Mujhe chal-te jaana hai, bas chalte jaana."
These were the lines I used in a phone conversation with my brother as I
was killing time on the Bombay airport waiting for my flight time which
was 2 AM.
Unlike the poet of that song, I have homes, more than one and I am not
ashamed to admit that I am bewildered as I try to understand my feelings
about it all and try to define the concept of 'home' for myself.
This was the first time I lived in a foreign land for so long at a
stretch AND then went home for a vacation. I mean, 3 times I have been
to US with the longest stretch being 10 Months but I had no household
there that I left behind. It was always a new place that I had to find
even though I went to the same city and same office. Germany was the
same. But this time I lived in the UK for 6 months, left my house as it
was, and went home to India.
Even as I was leaving I was thinking about coming back and how I would
really like to come back 'home'. But at the same time, at that very
instant, I was also very glad that I was going 'home' and I was looking
forward to a lot of things.
I had a lot of fun, every day, every moment that I was home I enjoyed it
immensely! I did do and have everything that I wanted to, and it was
just as good as I had imagined, if not better.
And still, I was missing my life here, my home here and not just the
broadband connection, which I did get in Delhi.
When I came back to UK, I was looking forward to unlocking the door of
my rented house and taking charge again. But the moment I entered my
living room I loved the feeling of being 'home' and at the same time
felt lonelier than I have ever felt before in all my life! It felt like
I had left India far behind, with my family and friends all so remote
and unapproachable. I hadn't felt this alone even when I came here the
first time to a strange country!